Went to my work function....had too much to drink...drunk dialed H...it ruined my night so I was home by 11:00 when my plan was to stay out until well after 2:00 am. Bit of a backslide there, but I'm not going to let it keep me from moving forward. The convo I had with him was kind of hurtful...I was feeling lonely and basically wanted him to tell me he missed me...he refused..said he wasn't up for a 2 hour convo...said I was hot and cold and was sure I could find some other guy to keep me company. I truly don't think he cares anymore...but I'm going to be okay no matter what.
Hey (((CW))), that's a rough one, but, you are right. You are going to be OK no matter what. When you've been refined in this fire, you come out the other side a far better person.
My week is okay, I suppose...I've had a cold but not one of those ones that you have to stay in bed...it's just a general annoyance.
Anyway, minor update....After drunk dial incident decided I wouldn't try and contact H again. H calls on Sunday afternoon on house phone...I don't answer it...then my cell phone rings...I don't answer it...then D's cell phone rings...she talks to her D for a few seconds and hangs up. My house phone rings again and D answers it...I could hear her say something like "she's on the phone with her friend" and then she hung up, but didn't say anything to me about needing to call anyone back.
Sooo...next day at work...phone rings I can see it's H's number but I don't want to talk (I'm embarrassed). So about 20 minutes later I get a text from him saying "since you don't return calls or answer your phone, please remind D to pack her clothes for tomorrow". Ok so seriously...like I don't know D needs to pack her clothes to go and stay with him...she's been doing this week after week for almost 4 months! Anyway...I call him and say "return what calls?" He says I called you yesterday and told D to have you call me...I explained to him she didn't tell me that. The rest of the convo went something like this:
H: So are you going to apologize to me? Me: For what? H: For calling me on Saturday and being mean to me Me: Ummm...I was not mean to you...why do you say that? H: You were all drunk and mean and you hung up on me
Note: I think he thinks I was drunker than I was
Me: No, the call was lost and I called you right back. I wasn't mean...I was stupid for calling you like that and I'm embarrassed by it, but I wasn't mean. Actually, as I recall it..you were kind of mean H: Well you called and you know I have to work the next day and I wasn't feeling well Me: Oh...well I'm sorry for bothering you...I told you I know it was a bad idea...it won't happen again H: So did any guys follow you home? Me: Nope, but if I wanted them to they would have H: Oh you sound pretty sure of yourself Me: I can't help it if people find me attractive H: You never believed you were attractive when I used to tell you you were Me: Well that was then...this is now and people tell me I'm attractive so I'm going to believe them. H: I'm glad for you Me: Me too...I'm not going to waste my life being miserable...I'm going to enjoy every minute of it H: Good for you Me: Yeah...so I guess I'll talk to you some other time H: Okay...goodbye
So that was it....haven't talked to him since. Strange...it doesn't bother me like it used to....am I getting over him?
I am still very angry about how things are going with D....she and I had a minor disagreement and she lashed out the night before she went to her Dad's and said something like "so are you going to stop loving me too?" When I asked her what she meant by that she said "well isn't that what you did to dad?" It tore my heart out. My response to her was "do I act like someone that stopped loving your dad?" She said "No, but I'm so confused" and then broke down crying about how her dad doesn't seem to care at all about how him leaving affected her. I consoled her and told her he loved her...her response was "he loves himself". Oh geez....I'm tired.
Oh, CW, I'm sooo sorry your D hurts so much. I know 13 is such a hard, hard age anyway!!! Keep being supportive of her and keep telling her that you love her and her dad but you have to look out for you too. You can use this opportunity to show her how strong women overcome adversity!!!
I think you are detaching from your H...good job on that! If you have any tips to share, please do...I'm doing horribly in that department. Be careful about the drunk calls...maybe next time leave the phone in the car or something so you don't do it again. I'm going to work really hard at avoiding convos. that aren't pleasant...like when my H starts in about the way I do something at the house that he doesn't like. Next time I'm going to say, "Okay. Well, I appreciate your opinion. I need to go now." That way I won't be tempted to get into an argument over something that really doesn't matter.
Have a great day!!!
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
He paged me at work to tell me he is getting a new job and will have weekends off now so he wants D on weekends. I told him I wasn't thrilled about giving up that time with her and it worked out well that we both had different days off...he flipped out...told me he would take me to court....I told him that would be a bad idea since the court was ask the thirteen year old what she wanted to do and I thought it would be awful to put her in that situation. Ended that convo and after he dropped D off tonight and left without saying a word he called me back to tell me he would be coming to pick D up tomorrow night. This was not something that was planned so I said no...I already have plans with her...conversation went south from there ...he said awful things like D will only be happy if he's back miserable with me...I thought that was pretty mean and uncalled for and told him so. I seriously hate him right now...and the hate keeps getting stronger.
He threatened the court thing again and said if I wanted to start playing games I was going to regret it. It's so weird that these awful outbursts of his started since I've been trying to detach. Besides my slip up on Saturday, I don't call him, Text him...nothing. It's like he's trying to hurt me and get a reaction out of me. WTF???
So I emailed him and told him I thought it was best for us not to talk anymore but I told him that I thought we could work something out with visitation for our D I just don't want her to get caught in the middle. I went on to explain to him that I wanted her life to be as normal as possible and that he needed to understand that she is a teenager now and it's normal for her to want to spend more time with her friends. That said, when it is one of "his nights" I didn't want her to have to turn down social events just as I would not expect her to do so on "my nights".
I also told him that I was sorry things turned out the way they did and that he didn't think marriage counseling was a worthwhile endeavor and felt he had to leave the way he did, but that I'm embracing my new life and whatever comes my way. I wished him the best in life and asked him to go and take his name of my bank account.
He called later to talk to D...I told him she was out and then politely ended the convo. About 5 minutes later I got a text from him saying he had so much to say but as usual couldn't get his mind to slow down long enough for him to put his thoughts in words. He said he appreciated me being willing to work with him on the possibility of his new schedule but he had already called and turned the job down...that it was probably bad timing. He ended with "I guess you are right about our D growing up...it's hard to let go" and then said..."I'll take my name off your account first thing Monday. Thanks!"
Gosh....it feels like I'm really moving on and getting some closure. I'm happy and I'm sad....I'm grieving the loss of the future I planned for myself. Our D is at the age when he and I could actually start spending quality time with one another again as she is gone so much but that isn't going to happen now. I guess I'm finally starting to realize I might have the opportunity of that future with someone else. It's not my first choice but I know I will not stay alone forever and pine a way for a love that is not reciprocated.
Gosh....it feels like I'm really moving on and getting some closure. I'm happy and I'm sad....I'm grieving the loss of the future I planned for myself. Our D is at the age when he and I could actually start spending quality time with one another again as she is gone so much but that isn't going to happen now. I guess I'm finally starting to realize I might have the opportunity of that future with someone else. It's not my first choice but I know I will not stay alone forever and pine a way for a love that is not reciprocated.
You sound really good CW. You are sounding strong and ready to start moving forward.
I don't really have any sage advice (as you know from my sitch), but it does seem like your H is annoyed at your lack of contact with him. He doesn't seem like he is done. Not that I am advocating stopping yourself from moving forward- I think you are showing just how strong a woman you are. I am just saying, in your sitch, I wouldn't be surprised at an 11th hour about face. In the meantime, I like what am seeing from you.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
Thanks, Trix! I'm having a good day....let's see what tomorrow brings I can tell, however, that I have fewer week and longing moments. We will make it through this!
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
