Another one bites the dust

[No Longer BH]

Yeah Karen, you found me again! Its sad that so many of my former posting buddies are making there way over here. I had to take a break from the boards for a few months to try and get my head on straight. Hey, are you still keeping your pants on around your STBXH?

Ready, you are preaching to the chior. I know that I am not ready to date or make new "friends". I want to share a story with you: I have a friend who started to date this guy 3 months ago. His wife left him in Febuary for OM. She filed for divorce and convinced him it was over. After trying everything to get her back he finaly let go and moved on to my friend. Four weeks ago the WAW "woke up" and declared her undying love for him. Now he is confused because the failing of the M is falling on his shoulders because he does not think he wants to R. My friend is confused because now he is no longer focused on their R, but trying to decide what he wants. I do not want to be in that position or want to hurt anyone who walks into my life. The only time it is fair to move on to some one else is when the hurt in my heart is gone. That way I am free to love unconditionally again.

I wanted to share what happend today. I was not a very nice STBXW to my WAH. The sad thing is that I really dont feel that bad about it and I prob should. Today I came home at 4pm with a smile on my face. I had had a wonderful weekend and was feeling very happy. STBXH wanted to know what I did and who I was with. I simply said I had a great time and I stayed with friends. He asked what friends? I simply said friends.

I thought he would leave shortly after I got back. Guess I thought wrong. He kept staying and staying. I did not ask him to go because at least my S is getting some time with him and that is a good thing. At one point he pulled me aside to talk about my S birthday. The conversation then moved to how he found our wedding pictures torn up and in the trash. I did it to let go of my past, not out of anger. I told him that there was no reason to hold on to the pictures because that was not who I was anymore and they held no meaning at this point. He told me he still had his picutes of us. I asked him why and he said so that S could see them when he wanted to. I told him that I had already made a picture album for S with pics of us so H could throw his away. I no longer had ANY pics of us. Told him how I had let go and dont love him anymore, so didnt want any pics. He responded by saying that he still felt a special connection to me and that I would always be in his life. He did not want to give up the pics because of that.

I looked at him and said you are no longer part of my life. You are a part of our S's life and so am I but you are not in mine. Please understand that I do not see you as a friend. Friends do not treat me the way you have treated me. He was a little speechless and said that we just see things differently. Ok, here is where I lost my mind a little. That little demon voice was whispering in my ear to drive the point home and really stick it to him after everything he has done to me and my S. I actually do feel bad about it but what is done is done. At this point I looked at him and said "And just so you know, I am dating again. I have been seeing some one who is a really good friend but I was not willing to take it farther in case we could work it out. You have made it very clear that that is not a possibility so I am now persuing a R with him." I know, I claim temporary insanity for telling tis lie. I then went even farther and told him that I was going out with my "new guy" Tuesday night and that he needed to leave as soon as I got home because it would be ackward. Karma is so going to slap me for this. STBXH said that he did not want me to feel ackward so he would leave. I then went about my business at the house and started to read a book on the sun porch.

STBXH stayed until almost 6pm. He kept coming in and wanted to talk to me about some more S stuff. I was pleasant and kind but it is obvious that I am detached. He can no longer be my focus. He made his choice so now I am moving on. It was a bit of an inconvience to have him just keep lingering around the house but he eventually left. He needed to hear that I am done, and I needed to say it. So, how hard do you think karma is going to bite me for all of my negative energy and evil deeds? Guess I will find out soon enough.