I think you're undermining your own efforts. That said, what are your expectations for a LTR? Acceptance of another can be hard and sometimes the bar is set too high. Not saying you should grasp at Joe Schmoe, but be open to the unexpected. Do all your experiences need to be packaged?
I assume the Block is being unavailable. Well, I'd bet you're very good at pigeonholing different aspects of your life. That's a fine coping mechanism, but it leads too easily to avoidance and suppression. At some point you need to face the fact that angst and out-of-control and off-balance can be GOOD things! In fact, those can be signs of love! They can also indicate a fear of being hurt.
I'd say start slowly. Innocent pleasures. Small talk. Let someone else entertain you enough that you want to continue the conversation. No strings attached. You talk about your appearance and men's attraction, but then leap straight to R decisions. Whoa! What happened to the middle part? Developing the attraction? That part where everything gets clearer? Don't leave that out. And that isn't for you to pursue, it's for someone else to pursue YOU!
I think about a friend. She's Indian. Arranged marriage but she fled that and married the man she was really in love with. He ended up being a jerk and beat her. She went into hiding. At the same time, she was accepted and entered a PhD program. Work became everything to her, because her love life was in shambles and her family castigated her. She graduated last year and got a job in Boston. Now she has to deal with new environment on top of everything else, so she's relying on her work acumen to get her through. But in reality, she has a lot of hurt and pain to get through and it's going to take a long, long time and small baby steps. But I'm confident she'll heal. And she will, but the walls she set up during her PhD will prevent her from really releasing herself to her emotional side for quite some time. That said, she's a lovely person and I know she wants to love again and be accepted for who she is. And she will.
I haven't read your entire sitch. I just say this because it's the only thing I can share about someone who is work-focused. But, I hope it helps you accept the fact that memory can be hard to get past and we set up defense mechanisms to help with that. We need a GOOD reason to take those down. When you meet someone who is worth taking them down for, you'll know. In the meantime, enjoy life!
