Searching for me again

[Andabelle]

ACJ,

Haven't posted to your thread before, but have been following your sitch. It was your son's decision to go live with his father, no? I am not familiar with the laws in the UK, but wouldn't your H need concrete proof of abuse for him to take her away from you if she wants to stay? You are a great parent, your H, NOT! Just the fact he wants to bring D13 into a house where he is living with his adultery partner will not be in his favor.

What bullsh*t has he accused you of? He hasn't swayed your son into supporting him in this, has he? It seems to me that he's made a HUGE tactical error by refusing to help with your eldest D's college tuition (but he pays for OW's, right?). She won't have good things to say about him if questioned.

What does your L say?

I will pray for you, too.

[yellowrose]

Allison

I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers!

Y

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,
I am so sorry about what your H is doing to you, and I understand you so well if you don't want to stand anymore. I hope for you that your L will be able to sort things out so that your H will not get the child support. I also think that D13 should be able to chose who she wants to live with.

You are in my thoughts. (((HUGS)))

[BeingMe]

OMG, ACJ! What will H/OW come up with next? I agree with the other poster, that D18 will be on your side in this issue. And, wasn't your S16 only supposed to stay with H on a temporary basis, to see if he could help with S16's issues? Mmmm, I smell an OW rat here .... someone wants to live in the house, and not the flat. It's getting too cramped there with S16 living there. Maybe, it's time to think of selling the house ... not a good time, but maybe you could make the break easier for everyone, including you, and just buy yourself something smaller for yourself and D13. Might possibly put them off trying to take the house through your children? I don't know ... I'm really grasping at straws here.

I will be sending positive thoughts your way, and praying for you.

[ACJ]

Thank you everyone.

Andabelle I don't really want to say just yet what H is accusing me of as most of it is only implied at the moment but he does allude to information that he hasn't put in print.

BM I agree with you that this is very much a ruse to get me to sell the house. Financially that would be a bad move for me as my mortgage is currently very low due to the length of time we have had it. Even if I were to move somewhere smaller the mortgage would be a lot higher.

I've spoken to my L and she has told me not to worry about this but I can't help but worry. Yesterday when D13 phoned him in anger she told him that if OW moved out she would move in. She said it in a tone that said 'like that is ever going to happen', she was furious. I wish she hadn't said it at all though b/c today he has sent my L an email telling her that D13 has said if it wasn't for his partner she would go live with him. He has totally taken everything out of context and used it against me. Right now my stomach feels just like it did when he first left. I don't see as I have any choice now I have to have this man out of my life.

[Andabelle]

"...today he has sent my L an email telling her that D13 has said if it wasn't for his partner she would go live with him."

Spooky how well you were able to predict what he would do with that. Still, I don't see how it will help him-- nobody is gonna believe he'd actually be willing to sacrifice his "partner" for custody of your D. He largely ignores her and her older sister and favors your S, right?

Consult your L and consider all the the angles before you take action. I too suspect he is deliberately pushing your buttons in hopes you'll do all the dirty D work for him and then be forced to sell the house.

Got my fingers crossed for you.

[ACJ]

Thanks Andabelle.

I don't need to do his dirty work for him. He has finally found his b**ls and done it himself. I received D papers today. He is petitioning to D me on grounds of MY unreasonable behaviour.

I won't put the actual grounds he has cited here (although the courts have accepted them) but I will say that it amounts to the fact that we argued over our kids, we argued over money (and here's the best thing he admits that he was irresponsible with money!), he did the ironing sometimes and we stopped having sex b/c he was putting it about!

I see my L tomorrow and we have a fourway meeting between me and my L and H and his L next week. That will be interesting considering he hasn't spoken to me since before D13s birthday in May.

As you can imagine things are very tense in our household right now especially D13. For some reason she is angry at me. That hurts but I can just about handle it. Even more interesting is that I saw S16 tonight and he tells me that things are very tense in thier household as well. Now wouldn't you think H would be jumping for joy at the fact that his awful M to me is about to be over for good?

[Truelove]

HI ACJ,
I am so sorry that you received the D papers today. Althoug it must hurt a lot, maybe in your sitch a D will really be the best and you will finally find some peace, at least I hope it for your sake! I am also sorry that D13 is angry with you, I just cannot imagine why. But she must be so confused.

I wish you the best of luck at next week's meeting and hope that everything will work out in your favour. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Take care. (((HUGS))) xxx

[ACJ]

Thank you for your kind words TL.

D13 says she is angry at me b/c I don't keep her 'in the loop' like I do the older ones. That's not true and more to the point when I tried to do it she just told me she didn't want to know anymore as she feels caught in the middle. I think she is anxious that she will end up having to give evidence in court if H really does fight me for custody of her.

[Truelove]

ACJ,

I think she is anxious that she will end up having to give evidence in court if H really does fight me for custody of her.

I hope it will not come to this. It surely would not be good for her.