I think Jen is right. I know that you are focused on your goals with H and that is great but I think you might start to feel a lot better emotionally if you could detach a bit more and the best way to do that is by GAL. I know that you go to the gym a lot and that is good. Do you do anything else? Like maybe something that provides a creativity outlet, like your H does painting, do you have a crafty side? Journaling is great too but I think it might just be another way for you to dwell on your situation with you H. Maybe painting or drawing or sewing would be good to try. I find that the process of creating something is great for your mental health and it can give you something to do to keep your mind off your situation in your down time.
I could be way off the mark but it just feels like you are missing something in your life and that you need to look inward to find that fulfillment that you are searching for. You can't let your marriage become your identity and self worth. Your H cannot be your world as romantic as that notion may sound. It's batty!
