Nice to be home. The beach trip was awesome. We had a really good time and hardly any R talks or arguing!
Drive there was nice, hubby had made some mixed CDs for us to listen to, a couple of songs that are "our" songs. If you know what I mean. So that was sweet. We went a few places before checking into our hotel room. We got all settled and ML before we went out to get a few groceries and dinner. We stopped and got some movies to watch too.
There was a little R talk when we were waiting for dinner because he was telling me about a conversation with his brother who had called him the night before. They are not very close and when my hubby said they talked for 40 minutes I was curious and asked what they talked about. Apparently a bit, not sure how much, was about us. His brother is a counselor/pastor and so I guess he was talking about our problems and things. My husband found out that his brother and his wife almost divorced when they were newly married too but when they found out they were pregnant with their first child they stayed together. I found that kind of shocking because they seem like the perfect couple, always happy and together. I could tell my hubby was surprised too. So that was kinda nice in a way to know that someone you actually know has made it through this and come out better for it on the other side. It's also encouraging that he is someone my hubby looks up to. I feel like his advice might get through to him in the long run. But when I asked what he had told him he said "I am really confused and dont know if I should be in a relationship at all and if I am is it supposed to be with her or someone else" I have heard this before of course but it never feels good to hear it. However I did not react or prod. I just nodded and listened to what he had to say. Proud of myself there!
We went back and had dinner and watched one movie and watched the sunset through our window which was oceanside, always beautiful. When it was dark we went out to the beach to have a bonfire and were out wandering around. I walked away from him at one point and was off by myself for awhile and got some time to think and pray it was good and when we hooked up again he said "I didn't know where you were" and he seemed genuinly worried which was sweet.
It was late when we got back to our room but we watched a second movie and had snacks. We just joked around a lot and were snuggly and warm. Heaven I tell ya. We ML again and then went to sleep.
After we checked out this morning we went to the beach again and were there for most of the day. At one point my hubby went off to climb this mountain/rock thing and I stayed on the beach. I was tired from walking down the beach for a couple of miles and I was hungry and I stubbed my toe on a rock and I think it is broken so I was a little cranky when he got back from his adventure and we got into a little squabble about that. But it was fixed within a few minutes so I guess it turned out ok. Sometimes it bugs me though when he can't deal with my moods but at the same time he put on his counseling list that he needs someone who can deal with his moods. DAM. . .
Anyways! After being at the beach for several hours we hiked back to the car and my hubby wanted to go to a state park but I was hungry and tired and needed to shower so I said I would rather start heading back. I really wanted to stay with him all day, as long as I could, but I also did not feel like it would be a smart idea since I was cranky. The last thing I wanted was an argument at the last moment to color his whole memory of the trip. You know what I mean? He did seem a little bummed about going back though.
The drive home was fun, we listened to more music and talked and laughed about goofy stuff. We got to his house and we said goodbye with a few kisses and made plans about getting together Tuesday before our counseling session and he went inside. I drove home and crashed into bed. I did not sleep all that well last night so I just zonked out when I got here. So it was probably for the best that we came home a little earlier than we thought we would.
So all in all it was a great weekend. I know that so many people on these boards will be jealous but my words of warning are that it is hard to be in this stage. It's actually really hard to be around each other and know in the back of your mind that you are not together and that while it feels right things are still broken. I hope I don't sound like I am throwing myself a pity party. I'm just saying that as much as I love seeing him there are still a lot of hurdles to jump over and a lot of pain left to endure before we get to that final stage. It's kinda like labor pains (not that I would know but I can imagine) to get to the final stage.
I am very happy with the way things went though and am proud that I avoided R talks and proved that we can be together without arguing constantly. Counseling is Tuesday so it should be interesting.
so I was a little cranky when he got back from his adventure and we got into a little squabble about that. But it was fixed within a few minutes so I guess it turned out ok. Sometimes it bugs me though when he can't deal with my moods but at the same time he put on his counseling list that he needs someone who can deal with his moods. DAM. . .
