Spent the afternoon with W to celebrate my birthday with the kids. She worked, so I made a cake and I bought all the stuff for burgers etc. for my birthday. The kids enjoyed celebrating Dad's birthday. Dad was busy dying inside and Mom, who in the hell knows what Mom was thinking.
My biggest difficulty is that since her affairs don't officially exist, she behaves as if we are estranged, but, otherwise doing just fine. I don't understand how she can do that.
Yes, I love her, and, yes, I've loved her for 18 years. I loved her with an immature love, but, it was no less real for it's immaturity. That said, that realization doesn't really help inform my decisions or show me the path forward.
I guess that I'm just tired of the lies and living in limbo. I want to either work hard toward a new relationship with my wife or work toward as amiable a divorce as possible while moving on with life, but, I feel I can do neither right now.
So, more limbo, more waiting, more growing for me.
