I guess a lot of it is simply learning to slough off all the negative images that W has subtly heaped on me, and that I've subsequently heaped on myself. The message has been, if you don't pursue a doctorate degree, you aren't worth anything; if you get depressed, or if your parents divorced, or if your childhood was filled with drama, there is something fundamentally flawed in you. How can I believe a message like that?
It comes down to this: what does my heart tell me to do with my life? I'm dismayed to realize that I have no idea. That's the answer I'm looking for, the thing that will allow me to become a whole person again. We all create our own realities and for too long I've let my reality be defined by someone else.
lodo
It's funny you've been in a funk thinking that stuff. I've been thinking kind of like that too, and actually feel a bit happy about it. I allowed H to kind of prevent me being who I really am; I like to be a goof in public and he would get embarrassed and upset with me. I think the D is going to give me a chance to get back to more of who I am. I really let myself be defined by H, and I think it's a good thing we realize that and will work on that. And when we get in our next R's maybe try to hold on to that feeling, and not lose part of ourselves again?
