One Last Pull for this Knot to Break

[forward]

"No one has ever been there for her on a consistant basis, including OM. "

Sleeper, Your situation is tough to navigate. I would suggest that you need to let her miss you. And you need some limits.

You may need to have the conversation "I still care about you and you can always count on me in an amergency or where it pertains to the kids, but OM is your partner now and this is not a healthy situation for me."

Then give it time to work and let it be for a while.

I still think your situation is promising and possibly ripe for DB C. Maybe a DB C would have different advice.