5 weeks remain til next chapter starts

[istherehope]

Hi S and MM,

Thanks for your nice posts. I guess it's just really hard for me being so far away from home. I mean I am in Poland, live in Ireland, but really home is the US. I just feel homeless and direction-less and this is a big part of it. Before the bomb I was looking at ways to transfer with my company back to the US, but now I don't know what is going to happen, so my job is in limboland as well as my marriage...

Until we moved to Dublin, I was never needy. I had loads of friends and things going on. Then when we moved to Dublin, we both became each other's hobby, which my H is still reeling from I believe. Since the bomb I've realized that I do have friends in Dublin, and when I get back will have plenty to do BUT problem is I don't want to be there if there is no future with H. I can't tell him this or threaten him with it though. In fact I did this when he initially asked for the S, and in our first counseling session (before I found DB)and he kept saying if he thought there was no hope he would have walked long ago. Of course who knows what he's really thinking, as everyone says...

I do agree MM that him not contacting me is not necessarily a bad thing. Jody said that if I do need to just move back in, it will be very important to keep giving him all the space he needs in advance of that day. It's just that it's weird that I haven't heard from him since that email, since my response I mean. And my response was excellent if I do say so myself! It was happy, nice, affirming, validating etc. Anyway day's not over, I might still hear something this evening. I just have this FEELING that something is about to shift, could be another of those emails, not sure. Last week was a pretty intense week for him in terms of starting school, seeing me, and sending that email.

I do know that I am lucky in terms of having an H who obsessively reads self-help books, goes to psychotherapy, exercises, doesn't really drink, stays home at night to save money, and has agreed to not date. It is only that he is SO singular-minded that he can get really caught up in something, like in his current need for alone time. He is like this about everything he decides to take on. On the positive side, he will probably come out of this faster than most, given his impressive efforts. I just hope he comes out with enough energy to give the R another chance.

S, I think I will go and look at divorces that were busted...

Thanks for the support :). I will post later if there are any interesting events,

ITH