I'd believe the ILY, if for no other reason than it helps to focus on the positives. Plus, his actions clearly show that he loves you. This is not one of those terms that the DAM throws around lightly, at least in most cases. I would probably choose not to believe "you are the source of all my misery", but I would believe something as meaningful as ILY.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Yes I think you have a point there. I guess he wouldn't say ILY if it wasn't true since he'd have no reason. He also said "but it can't be". So I ignore that? And look at the positive?
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I just called him with a revelation I had when talking to my Mom about an hour ago. She complains a lot about little things. For example her friend (who we've known for 32 years) just welcomed her first grandaughter a week ago. I asked Mom if she had seen the baby. She said "ummmph Diane has been in town for 2 weeks now and the baby was born 4 days ago and she hasn't even bothered to pick up the phone and let me know" I was like WTF? So I told her "Mom, Diane is thinking only of her GD not about calling you. You'll spend the whole time complaining that she never called you. You know the baby was born. Pick up the phone and tell her hi and congrats" She changed the topic lol
The revelation is that I am just like my Mom. I always expect other people to do exactly what I want or think they should do and it's caused me good friendships. So I called xh to tell him and he was impressed that I had finally realized this attitude doesn't get me very far. I told him next time he saw me he could give me a kick. He laughed and said it would be easy
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I would ignore the "but it can't be." He also told you that same day that he had thought of coming home many times. So, I would take the, "but it can't be" to mean that is how he is feeling RIGHT now. This does not mean he will feel that way on 30 days when you work your DB magic with no backslides :). The love is lasting and built on a long history. I am sure you can believe in that.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Good revelation Jen! I have spend the past year analyzing myself. I know not really a DB technique - but how can you change things if you don't Look at yourself & see what needs to be changed?
Me - My mom & grandma are are nit picky critizers & do the micro managing stuff.
Expample - My grandma would always offer suggestions to my grandpa when he was fixing something. He knew how to do it & didn't need her help of advise. But she always did it.
Example - My mom this past xmas complained when her H left a spare cold room door open. He just went in there for 10 seconds to get some cold soda (or pop as I say). Now, if she goes in there for the same thing, does the same thing - it's ok.
I saw myself doing the same thing. It's it wonderful the bad habits we pick up from our parents!!!! Keep this in mind w/your D.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Thanks for the boost He has told me a few times in the past 5 months that he loves me and that he's thought of coming home. In the beginning it was "I don't want to" now it's "I can't" My IC says "can't" is not a real reason and that I need to give him reasons why he "can".
I asked him on Friday afternoon if he was happy and he said no.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
MsM I think it's healthy to look inside and find what needs to be changed. Sometimes we can be mirror images of one of both of our parents and not realize it until we've left the next and start our our M/families.
It's never too late to change things that don't work.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
