Yyyeeesssss ...... ((((Coach)))) ..... - I feel pretty damn good & pretty happy right now about todays events! Really, I didn't expect him to stay very long. Thank you sssooooo much for the man perspective! I'm so grateful for your insight. As you know, I'm pretty much a newborn in this M deal.
The martini break ..... welll .... I asked him if he wanted a drink ... he said sure I'll have a martini. Then we joked about whos idea it was to drink alcohol at 11:30am. By the way aren't YOU supposed to be On or Off the wagon??? Can't remember which it is??
What's his objection? I'm guessing he feels very guilty about leaving, guilty because he feels he owes me so much, guilty if he did have an OW. (My DBcoach said that if he had an affair then he feels, he has past the ppoint of no return to me). This is not how it was supposed to be played out in his mind. I think he expected me to get pissed, take the car away, make his life a living hell & D him. If I would have listened to friends & family, it could have very well played out that way.
Strange - but here is the only place I can really express my happiness about today.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
It sounds like you have a LOT to be happy and positive about! Yay!
I don't think you had a backslide in any way with your conversation. The one thing I've found is that there often has to be one of those moments where we do something risky to get an idea about real progress. I've seen in this in other threads too. Sometimes if you sow the seeds for long enough, it is OK to make a bold move. I'd say especially with someone who is depressed, feeling guilty, that they might need to get some form of reassurance before sharing their own feelings.
Well done!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
MsM...I'm not sure if your H had an OW...maybe it was an EA but I don't think it was a PA. Not that it really matters. I think he has felt guilty for a while for many things. It seems that the debt he brought into the M is a big guilt trap for him.
Now it's my turn to ask you...what's his LL? And what's yours??
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Jen, I think your OW suspision - could be right. I'm glad I told him I heard he had OW. And listened to all of you to then drop it. That was definately, not what he expected - I was supposed to fly off the handle w/accusations.
Yes, he is very guilt ridden & also said that when he left last year. So some of the problems were not any I could fix.
Well, since he said he felt unappreciated - that would be the one. And maybe physical touch as a 2nd.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Really, I didn't expect him to stay very long. Thank you sssooooo much for the man perspective! I'm so grateful for your insight. As you know, I'm pretty much a newborn in this M deal.
Can't remember which it is??