One Last Pull for this Knot to Break

[forward]

Also, you do not have to give her an explanation of "busy."

And do not be too predictable!

[Bworl]

Remind me again, why no contact?

Has something happened that has taken you to the point that having contact with her is unhealthy for you?

Seems to me that the Sleeper who was showing his strength in the presence of the OM was the one who was really showing his wife who the better man was.

Sometimes our impatience will drive us to actions that produce the exact opposite of what it is we hope to gain.


You've spent some time now proving to your wife through your actions that you were someone she could always count on.

That is NEVER bad. I don't care what anyone else says.

Have you read the "I became my wife's best friend" story on the main page of this site? I'm convinced that the approach outlined there is one of the most effective ways to slowly but surely win our way back into our spouses hearts.

The problem is, it requires enormous patience.

It will take time for her to leave behind the trappings of the new life.

There were posts by you, not so long ago, that suggested that OM was slipping in the daily polls. Meanwhile, you seemed to be rising with every friendly act and good deed.


Yeah, sometimes you feel taken advantage of. And sometimes you probably are.

But isn't this the woman that you love with all your heart? Isn't this the woman that you would do almost anything for?


If she is sending out the vibe that your present course is succeeding only in pissing her off and making her think that you are not interested in contacting her, you have to ask yourself a question.


Was that your goal?


Because if so, stay the course.

If not, might be time for an adjustment.



Blessings,

Bill

[sleeper]

Yeah, there's some cake eating going on.

They get really angry when you take their cake away.

[Bworl]

Personally, I think you're making a mistake.

And you should change your signature information.

Because it's clear that to you, OM is NOT irrelevant.

You were doing well when you actually believed that way.


Back to your cheerleading squad.....


Blessings,

Bill

[frank_D]

I think there is a balance here. Answer 1/2 the time and talk to her the way you have been, but shorten the conversations.

I think you want a balance of 'missing you' and 'having access to you'.

[sleeper]

Bworl,

Your post pretty well summed up the whole situation.

"The all seeing, all knowing Bworl will now tell all."

I backslid. I allowed myself to be hurt. I didn't want to be hurt anymore so I avoided her. I had a gut feeling what I was doing was counterproductive to my goal and that's why I asked for advice yesterday. Yes, I still love her.

I think it's OK now. She called me last night and I returned her calls. Then I called her late last night and offered to keep the kids today so she could work. She had not made arrangements and was grateful I offered. She got angry, but who knows? Maybe my inaccesability made her think about loosing me completely.

I made today's contacts with her positive. I took good care of her, our kids and her animals as a small atmospheric disturbance named Ike passed by. I anticipated her needs and satisfied them.

Back to being the better man.

[forward]

Sleeper, You are not doing any one technique long enough to determine if it is working or not. You've already switched. How can you observe and evaluate?

I think the advice that I like is to have firm boundaries (such as not contacting you a million times a day and be expected to be at beck and call) but friendly and kind when in presence.

A friend would not expect you to be at beck and call all the time.

[sleeper]

Breton,

Men and women are different. If we weren't we could just fall in love with ourselves.

I don't plan on being at her "beck and call." I just need to be there for her (and my kids) when she/they need me. No one has ever been there for her on a consistant basis, including OM.

I went and picked up kids from X tonight because she has no power. I told her she should go to OM's because he has power. She said, "I'm going to bed." OM came to the house (he lives a few blocks away and pops up like an unexpected pimple at times). As we were leaving I said, "You guys have fun" to her. She said, "He's not staying here tonight, I'm looking forward to a night of solitude" (she sounded resolved).

Later she called me to see if we made it home OK. We talked about getting the kids to church tomorrow as this has thrown off our regular schedule. I told her I would keep the kids tomorrow night too. She asked "why?" I told her so she could have a mental break as she told me she was stressed yesterday and I know she was stressed today.

If she doesn't see what is right before her she is a fool and so am I.

I don't think she is a fool.

[TRUSTING]

...... and I know you are definitely not one.


You are doing wonderful. If your wife can't see how wonderful you are she is an idiot. She is very lucky to have you fighting for your marriage. She will one day realize the full extent of everything you have done.

[sleeper]

She called this AM to let me know the power "just came back on." She didn't sound herself and I asked her what was wrong. "I'm sad", she answered. "I'm also very tired", she added.

She then asked what time me and the kids were going to church and said she would try to meet us there.