I think it's partially because I haven't been to the gym all week. I am going to try and force myself to go today! This is only the 2nd time that there has been 48 hours of no contact between H and me, and the last time was when he was on a plane for 24 hours. I didn't want him to contact me in response to my email, but I really would like something light and positive, just something of a reassurance. I am trying SO hard to see the positives in my sitch, but at the moment am seeing a H who feels too co-dependent to be in a relationship, which is freaking me out. With each passing day, it is as if his heart hardens to the idea of marriage, and not the other way around, which is really what I expected. He misses me, but feels like this is somehow not healthy for him. Anyway I know some of these are assumptions, but his self-help books really do seem to be poisoning him to the idea of a relationship at all. I wonder too about his Psychotherapist. It's pretty frustrating as this is a marriage not some bad, unhealthy relationship. I certainly have had my issues like being controlling, but I was never mean, verbally abusive, intentionally hurtful, unfaithful, or anything like that. I feel like all of these books just advocate throwing something away without really working on it. I never got the chance to work on anything before H dropped the bomb, and now I am a much better person, and he isn't interested in this part of the equation at the moment.
Feeling REALLY sad today. I REALLY don't want to be here in Poland anymore.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
