Another one bites the dust

[No Longer BH]

Sara, you hit the nail on the head. STBXH has never been a source of strength. When things got tough I had to be the one to step up and take care of it all. When I went through a sever depression 10 years ago, STBXH responded by going on a camping trip with friends, leaving me home alone to deal with "my issues". Of course when this was brought up later on he twist it to say that I really was not that sad (um, tried to commit suicide that night because you left me). Trust me, I learned to love life after that horrible experience. Never wanted to go back to that dark place again and never have. Even tonight when I talked on the phone with my S he says to me "Mom, I just cant talk to dad like I talk to you. He just isnt strong like you are." It broke my heart to hear him say that and my son is only 9. Even he can see that his dad is broken right. Heck, anyone who would leave their wife at a time like this is pretty messed up.

Since this is my STBXH weekend to spend with our S, I had to leave the house. I went out with one of my friends last night to a girls Bunko party (or should I say DRUNKO party). We laughed and had a wonderful time. Did not get to bed until 3 am. God, I am getting too old for those kind of shinanagans but it was fun anyway. Today she took me shopping and I had a PMA. I was trying on a dress (guys, tune out here because you just wont get it) and I actually had to buy a size 4!!!! I am 5'8" and now wear a size 4!!! Four years ago I was a size 22. So you can only imagine had great that felt. Now I am at a different friends house and we had some great wine and even better conversations. Through it all I have not missed my STBXH. Its funny how when you finally close the door things get easier to move on. He has now become the babysitter for me. Someone who is scheduled to come and take care of my S while I go out and have a wonderful time. And trust me, I am the happiest I have been in years. Of course getting hit on by guys seems to help with the confidence as well, but I am NO where ready to even think about dating. I know in one of my post that I asked if I should stick my toe in the water, but now see it is healthier for me to focus on me, my health and my son...anything else will just be a distraction.

Thanks again for all of the positive feedback and support. You all have been a life line to me.