Well everyone I have been having a lot of issues with the DIGS. My W has been very diffecult lately she is starting to feel better and man the meanness has really came out. It has been frustrating dealing with everything. I have been doing well with keeping most of them to myself. Do any of you have any suggestions on how to keep those thoughts out of my mind. Because I really don't want them there. They just seem to bring me down.
Lee, can you communicate with her about the meaness? Nonjudgementally? Honey, is something bothering you? You seem upset... What do you think? I found myself reverting back to some nonrespectful behavior yesterday too. I have to agree with Elwood, you don't want to dig yourself a hole.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Have you tried journalling them at all? Here or in a notebook (one your W couldn't find - or you could write them, then destroy the pages)? Another idea is one I saw on another thread - and have tried myself - to have a "conversation" with your W telling her the things you are thinking, only you really only say the things out loud to yourself. Sounds silly, but it helps me feel better to actually say them outloud.
Another idea is to make a list of all the positives that are occurring. Seeing them in writing helps them seem more real to me, which helps me see the progress we have made. This helps me to see that although things aren't exactly where they need to be, there are areas in which we have grown and improved our communication, etc.
Maybe set some new goals for this new stretch of your R. What are some small things that could occur within the next week that would be a baby step?
Also, be sure to get enough time to yourself to work out or pursue your other interests. Gives you time to recharge and takes the focus off the R somewhat.
After your W recovers, would now be a good time to plan that romantice w/e for just the two of you or is it still too soon and would seem like pressure?
Just a few ideas. Hang in there. You are doing a great job. Remeber to give it time for the hormone levels to get to where they need to be. She'll feel so much better. (((Lee)))
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
So everyone I have figured out how to have a happy marriage. All I have to do for the rest of my LIFE is never talk to my W about my desire to have a sexual relationship. How I have come to this is that for the last 3 weeks I haven't said squat about that and it has been good. I am really suffering though.
It has been difficult for me though. So really I dont know what to do maybe I should just come out with it and see what happens see if she just freaks and tells me that im not sensitive to her feelings. So really I don't know what to do.
I know it is basically the same thing that I always post about but I really don't know where else to talk about this. Anyway that is my RANT for today.
Lee, Does your wife know you are suffering? Is there some way to talk to her about this? That you love her so much that the only way to really be connected to her is making love with her? How would she respond to this?
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I will tell you im not sure anymore how she would handle it. It just seems as if it is all a big chore that she is very put off by having sex. So me bringing it up I have no idea how it would go.
