Thanks for the advice. I see what you are saying and no need to apologize for the long post - I enjoyed reading your comments. Today, I called my ex and asked if I could pick up my daughter. She was with her best friend getting a latte at star bucks. I met them there and stay to talk for a little bit. Odd thing is, she was calling me by my pet name in front of her best friend. I found that so odd. My ex just recently started to call me by my pet name, but she never would call me it in public - even when we were married. So I found that very strange, but it did make me very happy. It is moments like those that make me want to continue to try to reconcile - that give me some hope.
I am trying very hard to rebuild our friendship and trust. In the process of doing that, however, it is difficult at times because being a good friend to her only revives my feelings I have for her. It is also hard to know when to draw the line too. For instance, today her phone died on her and she doesn't have a car charger. So I thought about buying her a car charger and leaving it in her SUV with a little note to surprise her (I still have a copy of a key to her SUV). I've done several things like that in the past few months, but I always feel that it is a thin line in the sense that she might appreciate it or she might think I am being pushy. Luckily, the last few times she has been very appreciative of it.
I love doing things like that. However, those are not really things that friends do. So I found that I am always testing the waters so to speak in the sense of how much I should push forward or step back. It is confusing sometimes to know how she is really feeling or thinking because we do things that I would think would normally be reserved for a boyfriend. Maybe I am just familiar to her and that is why she acts that way towards me.
I am definitely trying to make myself a better person. I don't ever want to be that person again. It is just hard sometimes being just friends without experiencing the pain.
