Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[S.T. _I Made It!]

you still sound so good, and it makes me so happy to read your posts now. I know that it's still tough for you, but you sound so much stronger, much more in control and much more correctly focussed. Things are going to change around you.

[Startingover2]

Hope your havinga good weekend!

[blindsided1]

Good morning all and Happy Monday.

The weekend was pretty decent. I'll elaborate more later. Just wanted to say good morning. Hope everyone had a great weekend.

[Babygirl]

Morning Friend!! Just wanted to stop and say happy monday, and to let you know, altho I couldnt be here to check on you over the weekend, I was thinking of you!
hopefully today, i can find you in the other world lol!
HUGS!!

[blindsided1]

Well, the weekend was okay. I didn't really do much. Saturday I spent time with my MIL. That was nice. We had lunch and did some shopping. Then I hung out with family Sat night. Sun I met H to give him our d. It was fine. I was fine. No crying. I was in a pretty good mood because I was going to go to a friend's to watch football. We were talking about nothing in particular. I noticed he was all grumpy. I asked if he was okay and he said that his back was starting to hurt and he doesn't "have time for this sh!t". I said, "what are you talking about I haven't given you any sh!t about anything". Then it was "I gotta go" So, I said I just want to say goodbye to my d. He was all rude and said "well hurry up. I gotta go" I kissed her goodbye and said "see ya". About 5 minutes later, H calls and says "he forgot what he called for" - weird.

After football, I go to pick up d. He starts in on me about how I'm always putting things off (re our divorce and separating our phone accts, etc.) I said that I wasn't putting things off anymore. I know this is what he wants and I can't do anything about it. I said that all I want is for us to have a good relationship for our daughter and not fight. I said that I understand that I am going to have to put most of the effort into that. But, it was important to me. Then he started in on me about the outstanding bills and how he feels that he has overpaid. So, I told him that I would give him a copy of all the statements and the leger showing what he has paid and what it has gone towards. That he HAS NOT overpaid, in fact he has not paid anything including CS in the last 2 months. I told him that I was being more than fair considering. I said that I am having a difficult time, but managing things without his help, just fine. All I want is to be able to provide for our daughter and he needs to help with that. He asked me "what would you do if I got in a car accident tomorrow and died?" I said that I would be horribly devastated if he died tomorrow and I would grieve. But, I would be able to take care of K. I have lots of help I can ask for if I need to". I said, "what would YOU do if I died?" He said I could take care of her fine. I only have 3 bills - my truck, my quad and my golf clubs." I said what about gas, insurance, food, utilities, rent, etc. He said that he could get a little studio apartment or a two bedroom and take care of the rest.

Okay, don't you think that is a little weird that he said he could get a studio apt? Why would he need to do that if he is planning on marrying OW? It just struck me as odd. I think I'm reading into it. STOP. There the stop sign went up. I ended the conversation by saying, "H, I will always consider you my family. I will always be your friend, even if you don't want to be mine. That's just who I am." I got in my car and left.

Today he calls me to tell me that we have mediation scheduled for Oct 31st and he'll pick me up and we can go together. I was calm on the phone - no tears, no being upset. But, it DID upset me. 6 weeks and my M will be just about over. I texted him that I know he didn't mean to upset me. But, could he please discuss D issue outside of work. It's a painful and sad subject for me and it makes it hard to concentrate. I'm not angry at you. I just would prefer if you didn't call me at work to discuss that. You know that this is hard for me.

He said ok.

This IS hard for me. I miss my H, a lot. Why is this so easy for him?

Sorry, it blew my PMA

[NikB]

((B))

Good job on the stop sign!!

I strongly recommend that you NOT ride with him to mediation.. I can't believe he even suggested it.

Re: the "what if you/I died tomorrow" convo.. one thing I would make sure of when you do get to mediation is that you talk about life insurance! You should both have it, to help provide for Miss K in case something awful does happen. I know, sucks to think about it, but it's important.

I'm not going to answer your question because it's assumptions and mind-reading. But you know that.

((B)) Hope you can do something soon to get that PMA back up!

[blindsided1]

It might take a little work to get my PMA back up today. I'm really sad right now thinking about the end of my M and how quickly it is coming, now.

[Startingover2]

Sorry you are sad today. It stinks to have a good few days of PMA and then go backwards.

I wouldn't ride with him either. Also, my attorney told me NOT to agree with anything I am not comfortable with. Its ok to disagree at mediation. He told me its easier to say you don't feel comfortable on something and take your time rather than undoing it later. Your H may get pissy with you but so what! Let him. This is your daughter you are talking about.

We have ours on the 29th so it ought to be interesting too.

Had a bad weekend but trying to feel better today. Hope you are too.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

SO2, did you start a new thread?

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey B, I'm sorry your feeling sad today. Just pick yourself back up again, cause you can do this.

I agree, not to ride together. I think it's good that he suggested though. I know that he still wants you at times. but he is no where near ready, even if he chose to end it with OW. And your right not to try to figure out everything he says. He goes back and forth so much anyways, as well as you too( your getting much better though i must add) so whatever he does or says, you really have to let go and not put all your energy into it cause he'll do something the opposite the next time.

Nik is right that you guys should probably have some type of life ins. sometimes your jobs will have some for free, but it's usually not much. I've been researching a lot on life ins, so if you ever want to email me, I'd be happy to explain what I found out.

okay, one thing I'm not sure if it's a good idea, is to keep reiterating that you can do this on your own without his help. right?? I mean, if you keep telling him you don't need him, then can he do something with that? IDK. I'm just thinking that you should probably emphasize more that you are both her parents and that she needs help from both of you.