MLC BS

[Patrick325]

I am having more custody issues (it seems like I never have anything good to talk about anymore). My oldest d14 wanted to stay with her mom so she can do some events at school(or so she says)...she told my W she was afraid to ask me so my W called me to tell me on the day she was supposed to come over my house. I think she was afraid to hear a "no" than anything else. My W has given the kids the idea that scheduling is up to what they want and I had to correct my kids and tell them last week that the schedule is made by mom and me and that was that. I wouldn't mind them asking for a night here and there if there was a good reason. But I go out of my way to get the kids to sleepovers, dances, etc. I think my oldest used it as a retreat from her younger sisters. But of course this caused a huge argument on the phone between the two of us. Things are just going down hill so fast I can't keep up. Every time we have an argument I beat my self up emotionally afterword because I didn't DB but it's impossible to DB anymore because the issues are important and if this D is going to happen it will have an effect on me and what I can do for my kids. I am so screwed up emotionally. I go from hating her to loving her and vica versa...next week I go over the verbal mediation and get it in writing. I guess once we get that straight it's over...I guess the mark my ring left on my ring finger doesn't mean much now. I used to look at it and dream that God left that mark on me because it would all work out and we would get back together. But I guess I was dreaming or just hoping too much. She has said to me a couple of times that she wishes I would find someone (a girlfriend) and I tell her I don't want to find anyone and that I want to be there for my kids and not complicate their lives anymore. I think that hurts me too. To hve her think I can't find anyone makes me feel bad. But at the same time I don't want to tell her that I am waiting for her....I just wish I could find a way to stop fighting and still protect my interests...emotions get in the way so much....