I felt the same, that my h was in control of both of us since the bomb. DBing has given me back some of that control by realising that my actions provoke his reactions so controlling my actions is a good thing. It's great that you are taking back some control and doesn't it make you feel good!
MsM...I understand that he's rather drive a convertible. Who wouldn't? The thig is that he told you you could have the car for the entire week and so far you don't have the car. That's why it appears as controlling. If he says you can have/do something then he should keep his word. It's only fair.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Yes, it is nice to take back control of me. After the bomb I relied on H to take control of the M & get us back on track. Didn't happen.
Jen - You are totally right. I keep wondering if he thinks I'm trying to schedule a date with him or will bring up OW? Really, I just want the car & will go. Guess, I forgot about OW. He seems even more reluctant now to see me since the email that told him I know.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hey - I'm on page 13 .... Lucky13 ... was thinking of changing my name to that. (Although I got M on Friday the 13th ... so maybe not so lucky ... depends on how you look at it I suppose).
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Well, an update from me - don't know yet if it was bad or good. I say good - but my instincts, don't seem to be correct these days. So with this car trade I was supposed to be mysterious & just hand him the keys & go. Well that didn't happen. Here's todays saga - remember I hadn't seen him since 7/31.
Onto part 2....
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Well where's part 2? You sure are hard to get a story out of aren't you? Come on MsMel spill the beans!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
So my H was late today - I suspect he was afraid. I didn't say anything about him being late. H asked if he could have a cup of coffee, I said sure & we went out onto the porch. He said it looks like you went out last night, I said yes. (Really, I hadn't). He asked if I wanted help tearing out the rest of the bedroom carpeting. I said sure if he wanted to - I didn't want to put him to work. So I let him take charge in doing that. He mentioned, that if I needed help with projects that he is going to have more spare time & could help me. He also asked me if I would help paint at his place, but he said I probably wouldn't want to. (He asked this of me last year when we split & I said no). So this time, I said , yes if he wanted me to. Then he asked if he could get his chairs & end tables out of the eves .... I said sure but they are packed behind all the Halloween stuff. (BTW - we have tons of Halloween decore). He said, he would move it & put it back. So ok. We did that together and put them in the car.
By this time - I was burning w/the R question. So, yes I did it. (Bad, bad bad of me). I asked if he has ever thought of us getting back together? He said yes, but didn't think that I wanted him anymore. I said that I had been concentrating on me & the things I need to change about myelf. I said that I loved him & never thought are problems were too big to overcome. And that, we just lost our way.
Ok, intermission time - it was 11:30am ..... and we stopped to have a martini break & continue our R talk. (Yes, a martini break at 11am).
He mentioned that he has been talking to his IC about our M and has been wondering with all that has happened between us if I still wanted to stay M. He talked about getting an annullment to protect my assets from his debt. And that we could still work on the M, even if we did get an annullment. I really didn't say yes or no. I mentioned that I had gone to see a lawyer about this to put my mind to some type of peace. I also brought up my control issue & self esteem issue & how I was working on myself. He said that I need to find some hobbies because in our M - he had become my hobby. I said true & that he was at the other end - a man with many hobbies. I also mentioned how I felt I was never #1 & whether or not it was true - that was how I felt. And how with all of this I pushed him away to protect myself instead of bringing him closer. I said this year has been a good year for learning about myself. WE basically ended it with that & he started talking about his bandmates M problem. (Sounds like his bandmate is doing DB too).
Well, then went back to put Halloween stuff away. I said that I was going to ask my sister to help put up Hallowen decore outside. He said he could help if I wanted. I said if you want to that would be nice, because you are very good at decorating.
So we also had some lighthearted moments inbetween all of this. Like when his lighter flipped out of his pocket towards me & I said he just did that so he could see my butt - lol-.
Well, Our visit ended when some friends stopped over to see my sister. The one friend went inside & the male friend came to say Hi to my H. We chatted for a second & then I knew my H was uncomfortable - so we said bye to my friend. H & I hugged & had 2 short kisses for goodbye.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hey Coach - thanx for stopping by! I suppose I broke all the DBing rules. Went down the same cheese tunnel & didn't do what my DBcoach suggested. I was supposed to be strong confident (which was), mysterious, maybe .....
Any 2x4s for me????
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Oh, & my other DBcoach rule that I broke was no communication or R talk until he shows interst & act as if he has a GF.
I guess, I was just so tired of this limbo of no R talk that I felt I had to. It's been an entire year. And was wondering if he was on the same page of wondering as well. Which he was. Remember lack of communication was a big issue that got me here.
So the ball is really in his court now ....... I shall see if this helped in really hindered my sitch. If nothing else, I'm relieved, that I stated what I needed to. (shrug).......
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
MsM I can't seeone bit of negativity in that! You did so well and he was so open about your R. Now you go dark and let him contact you. Give him time to digest the convo.
Sounds pretty positive to me.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I suppose I broke all the DBing rules. Went down the same cheese tunnel & didn't do what my DBcoach suggested. I was supposed to be strong confident (which was), mysterious, maybe .....