5 weeks remain til next chapter starts

[istherehope]

So no updates today, just a bit of journaling...the weather has changed here, which makes me feel as though I should be in a new phase of this process. It went from me needing to wear skirts and tank-tops to sweaters overnight. Fall is in the air, and I miss my H so much. Cold nights are harder on your own, or so I find...

I am expecting no contact from H today. I do still wonder what he thought of my DB-fantastic response to his scary email. My hope is that he will not bring it up at all, but that it made him feel happy and comfortable.

I've just spent the last hour or so going through a lot of my old posts. I still think that there were some more positive conversations at the beginning of the process than there have been recently, but I can see that my actions have changed. The old conversations were probably based on H trying to please me, and now he knows he doesn't need to do that, or so it seems. Now I'm hoping he will just get to the point where being around me and talking to me pleases HIM. I am resolute about not contacting him, and am still hoping he doesn't reach out today (beyond a miraculous I'm so sorry I miss you and love you email of course :)). A girl can always dream!

I want to hear less spew, and more light-hearted banter. There was a bit of it on Thursday evening, timed along with his scary email, but there nonetheless. It's funny that H always says "I will try to write more often." This is actually the last thing I want. I wish there was a way to let him know that I am comfortable without R talks, with just seeing where things go(assuming of course I can move back into our house in mid-October!). I guess if we get to the point where he realizes we don't need to have those R talks all the time, this might be enough to hold off on one even when I just show up and move back in...I'll have to ask Jody about this on Thursday.

OK I'm off now. I hope everyone is having a good weekend, and if anything interesting happens, I'll post later...

ITH