Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
I think it has been about a week since I posted last. Lately I have been feeling meloncoly(sp) about OR. I have been sticking to my 180 and still don't bring up any intimacy issues. So far it is still only happening once a week.
Im ttring to be that good H still. Complimenting her, and doing things around the house. I thought that things would start to heat up alittle bit with doing more things and trying to make her life a little less stress full.
With the things the way they are I go through a range of emotions. Some times I feel that things are really going well, then other times I feel as though my R is empty with my W. She tells me that she loves me almost every day. That is nice. I know that I have to really keep my head on straight when Im going through these down times. Normally they only last for a couple of hours then things seem to come back.
My thing though is that I dont know how to tell her what I want with out it turning into a big fight about intimacy. Maybe I need to wait and see, if the 180 will continue to help.
Some postives that i have been seeing though is we work out together about 3 times a week. I am getting buff. .
Quote: She tells me that she loves me almost every day.
You've read the Five Love Languages, haven't you? What are your primary languages? I used to tell my H ILY all the time too - unfortunately, words of affirmation is not one of his primary languages, so the message didn't get through. I'll bet it's not one of yours, either. What actions of hers (other than sex for now - lets just assume her libido is in the toilet for some biological reason) - would help make you feel more loved right now? More holding hands, kissing, a massage (physical contact)? Gifts? Her cooking you gourmet meals and running errands for you (acts of service)? Her going along for the ride with you while you run errands or making more time for the two of you to do things together (quality time)? Figure out what you need, then find a way to gently ask for it that doesn't feel like a demand or a criticism.
been a while since I posted to you but I have still been reading your thread.
I had the same thoughts that Ellie did. Your W is telling you daily that she loves you, so she wants you to know that. She just doesn't know how to speak your LL. Of course she won't know this because she hasn't done all the reading and learning that you have.
If you know your LL (certainly seems to be physical touch) but find it difficult to ask for what you want perhaps if you watch VERY carefully and when your W does something that makes you feel her love let her know. Catch her doing something right! And let her KNOW what she did right.
Seems like your W needs to find her feet again in this R. From reading lots in peicing (keeping hopeful and doing research for when I will need it) the hardest part is that the (former) LBS has done so much reading and learning that they forget that the (former) WAS does not have all this info and tools for the R. Finding ways to "teach" them without just giving a lecture is the "peicing" partners big challenge on getting back together.
Your patience is outstanding Just remind yourself often how much better things are than they were just a few short months ago.
HI Lee! Haven't heard from you in a while! Sounds like things are going well for you. The 5LL book is very good--some basic info that will make you think about how you relate to your W in a different way! Sounds like your LL is physical touch and hers is words of affirmation. Are you comfortable saying ILU to her yet?? It might really reasure her!!!
H and I have hit rock bottom--he asked for a D!!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Thanks for posting on my thread. It always helps so much.
Things with you overall sound good. I agree with Yanni and Ellie. It sounds like your W is making baby steps back toward you. (Once a week is an improvement over rarely.) I agree that the snails pace can seem discouraging at times, but progress is good. I know I've probably said this 100 times before, but have you re-written your goals recently? With this new stage in your R, maybe that would help? Also, journaling baby steps seems to help me keep things in perspective during slow progress. A broken record, I know , and I'm certainly not bringing up anything you don't already know, but this really helps me, so I thought I'd mention it again. More time to yourself sounds good too - it seems to help your PMA alot. Hang in there, Lee. Your W is lucky to have a guy like you.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
. 