Thinking of you. Good luck with crunching the numbers. I think at this point, it has to be done. I have had some rough, rough times with H in the past year, but I am pushier in that I always talked to him, we had a conversation of some kind pretty much every day even if they were more fights than conversations. It would drive me nuts to just co-exist in a house with someone and not be able to have a basic conversation. Sorry, I am projecting a little, aren't I?
I guess I am just saying you have lived this way longer than you should have, you said so yourself. I know it stinks but I would crunch those numbers and have a plan so you have your feet firmly planted beneath you when you talk w/W. Wish I could help...maybe I can unpack my fuzzy winter socks and wear them for moral support??
Jeff, I know what you mean about your committment to your children. But you dont want the price of that to be that their father is in a marriage that isnt working right now.
You might be surprised by their reaction to it all. I hope their is some way for you to be able to do what you need to and be there for them financially. If you cant, I am sure they can find a way to handle it in the future.
((((((BobbiJo))))) Thanks! Have I ever told you how happy I am that things are going better for you? Just making sure! We don't communicate much at all. She and the kids are somewhere this evening.... no one told me anything. And I'm not calling her. I think I heard talk of a birthday party tonight, but I don't know. I was half asleep in bed, I thought the party was tomorrow!
I know exactly what you mean. I can't do this for another 10 years or more! You are right, there are ways to make it work, they'll just be different than had been planned. And, I have to be ready for it to be my "fault", because it will be! And I will not sling mud back at their mom!
Sometime since Tuesday evening, a dresser drawer has been emptied! It had to have been after she discovered what I had done, since I looked at all of the drawers Tuesday night before I did it.
Tonight I cleared off the shelf above the "desk" (ok, it's a door across a couple of bookcases) in "my" bedroom, and moved the DVD cases that were around the room onto it. I still have to go through the stuff that was on the shelf. Some of it is W's, I'll be gathering it all up to her to her at one time. Anyway, the rearranging has begun.
She finally got home tonight, she had taken the kids to Rocks and Ropes after their teacher conferences. They were whipped, so it was probably good for them. She said we had to sell the house, because the kids are not being challenged in school. I have to figure out how this works, since we are theoretically in the best school district in the area. I only option would be one of a couple of really good charter schools. But, I am not at all convinced that changing schools is the best thing for them. I just listened. I didn't say we could or couldn't sell the house. I didn't try to "fix" the problem. I think I will just keep listening! The good news is the kids are doing great in school. The bad news is they are bored, the teachers know they are bored, and it doesn't sound like they really have a plan to deal with it. (BTDT, myself, I just read a lot!). They are really well behaved kids right now, hopefully the boredom doesn't mess that up! I will keep watching and listening!
I am sorely tempted to do something this weekend, but maybe rearranging the room counts? I don't think W works at all this weekend, so things will be a bit uncomfortable around here. I may have to play that by ear!
Blimey Jeff! So...is she suggesting you sell up to release capital to pay for a better private school, or, is she suggesting you all move to a new place together, where there are better schools??? What happened to her saying she was going to leave if she could afford it? Well, sounds positive to me (if she meant you to move together) and not like she is thinking of leaving?
Well done on the room.. now you've started it seems to be getting easier and I am sure she will be pleased.. funny she goes in your room and helps herself to stuff, I bet she wouldnt be pleased if you went in her room??
I think you should defo do something this weekend.. be mysterioous, go out to a bar, or coffee shop by yourself for a few hours if you have noone to go with (dont tell her) or go see a film on your own. Dont take the kids, that would ruin the mystique ! Go missing in action.. especially if she is home, she may wonder whats going on with you (with all the tidying/disappearing). Better still, go buy a new shirt, put a bit of aftershave on and then leave the house !
Who knows, may awaken the beast hey (eek!) - thats her, not you by the way!
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
(((((((Ali))))))) I don't know! She has always been able to talk about "long range" stuff almost simultaneously with saying she doesn't see us together. So I don't make too much of that. Besides, if she accepts the current conditions, she can think longer range, and it makes sense to her!
((((((Donna)))))) It looks like tomorrow will be the day of mystery. W is taking S13 out, getting a haircut, and doing some shopping. S10 will be here, and we just found out that a friend is coming over. (It all makes sense, it was just unpredictable.) So, I need to be here until W gets back, or until I take S10 and his friend to a birthday party at 3. W plans to be back by then, but now that she knows I have to be here, I don't know.
So, I will see what I can get done in this room! And perhaps take the munchkins out for lunch.
