They arrived at 7:45 and we sat down to dinner. He was receiving an awful lot of messages and to be honest it got annoying but I kept my mouth shut. He called his Sisters BF because he was one of the people texting and xh figured it'd be faster to just call him. He never called back the other people. he complimented me on the pasta. Due to the eating behaviours of a 6 Year Old we were at the table until 8:20 (lol)
D went off to watch her favourite TV program. We sat on the sofa talked about this and that...Hurricane Ike, his PSP, and mythology mostly. Well, the mythology part he talked and I listened
At about 8:50 he started to go. So I said smiling "you can stay and we're getting along so well" He chuckled and said "I know thats why I'm leaving now!" He gave D a kiss and told her he'd see her tomorrow. he asked me what I was doing tomorrow and I said not much and maybe go to the park. I asked him what he was doing and he said he had some errands (I know one is with his future BIL)
I walked him to the door and went to kiss his cheek, he positioned himself and gave me a huge kiss on the lips. me(while cupping his face in my hands):I'm really sorry for hitting you this morning xh: yeah that was pretty unfair me: I know I'm sorry more kissing and holding xh: you know I love you right? I nodded xh: You know I do right? me: Yes I know xh: I love you but it can't be, you have to let it go me (crying) I know xh (with tears in his eyes): You have to...
He left, I closed the door and cryed for a few minutes and then went to see about D.
And here I am typing out my little chapter while drinking nice Merlot I'm so at peace right now.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Wow!!!! You got got DAM to say ILY!!!!! Nice! Very nice!! You were very much in control by not bringing up the annoyance of the texts/calls.
I am also happy that you feel at peace with the events of the night. He still loves you!!!! You just have to keep him confused and prove him wrong about not being able to be together. I know it was very hard to validate him when he said you have to let go but you did great.
**Raised Glass** Here's to the journey down the right path!!
Yep an ILY I think it went very well. I even managed to squeeze in an honest "I'm sorry" for today. I'm very pleased.
I think part of the "I love you but it can't be" is him trying to prove it to himslef as much as me. I know it's very possible for 2 people to love each other and not be able to live together. I hope we can change that.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
His heart is in it, but his head is not. I think it's just like you said, he's trying to convince himself that it can't work, but his heart wants it to.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
I agree that it was also said for his own validation but I am sure after you shut that door his mind was going crazy!!
It is true that some people are not able to live together....if they do not try to resolve the differences. I think you have already figured out the things that cause conflict and will be able to control it better.
Not only does he love you Jen, but he's not afraid to let you know. That's a good sign, and should tell you that this situation is workable if you are willing to put enough effort into changing yourself to make it work.
The jealousy/control issue is where I would start, and I'd focus all of my energy on it until it's fixed.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
I know that he's been torn for a while and sometimes questions his descision to leave. He has said a number of times in the past that he's thought of coming home but can't. I see that I need to show him the path home. One of the main things is to cut down on conflict and just let him be. If we can start building a good foundation with little conflict he may come home.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
