SAVE YOUR BREATH IF YOU ARE GOING TO JUDGE. I AM 100% COMFORTABLE WITH WHO I AM.
I know Michelle (and her team) counsel same sex couples as Dottie did some coaching for me many years back. Of course it is difficult writing this post amongst all the traditional "marrieds" but my heart is bleeding out and I have no where else to go.
My partner and I have not been together terribly long and sex, when we've had it, has been off the charts. She is 47, I am 45. It became more and more infrequent (though initially my interest and openness about sex was something she said she loved and had missed in previous relationships). We broke up once because she felt pressured, though we continued to see each other as friends.
In early May we resumed romantic relationship and had sex more frequently (still not as routine as I'd like which is weekly vs. every 3-4 weeks and usually initiated by me). Now she says she has lost her sex drive completely due to perimenopause and just went on Premarin.
Alas, I don't know how to tell her that Premarin doesn't have testosterone and thus is unlikely to do anything. She has cut me off completely again, though swearing she wants me to hang in there.
I'm dying....trying to be sensitive but I am a HD sensual woman and there is no outlet for this.
I need a conversation with SOMEONE. Much of what I've read says that if your sex drives are terribly out of whack RUN bc it is unlikely to get better, ever. Does everyone else agree?
Hi Kelly...no judgment from me...I have had same sex relationships in the past (long term, not just a fling).
Personally, I am sorry to say, that if I were you, I would run. Its easier to cut your losses earlier than later. But of course, I can only say that because I'm not in love with her. Being that you ARE in love with her, your choice here will be quite a dilemma. I'm sorry you find yourself here. As the rest of us know, why can't we all just be matched up with the one we love??
I'm glad you opened up and posted. If you read some of the posts here, you'll probably see that there is no easy way out, that to recover a SS relationship takes the following things:
*Both partners have to agree to give it 100% effort
*It will take a whole lot of time, possibly a year or more, of consistent effort
*You will likely have to join into counseling together or separately or both
Please stick around, read lots of posts on this section of the forum, and give us as much more of your story as you feel appropriate. The more background the better.
For instance, do you have any reason to believe that your partner has some sexual hang-ups, versus just being LD? Any history of abuse, etc? Those issues are usually important to this topic.
Usually there is not much activity at this board right away...it can take a few days to get some responses...I myself won't be back around until Monday...so hang in there and keep reading but don't give up if you don't get a lot of responses right away.
I doubt anyone is going to judge you, they all seem very open and wonderful around here!
Kelly - plenty of lesbian posters on these boards, no need to be defensive.
You're right - Premarin won't likely do anything for her sex drive. You might try to approach her on the general issue of bioidentical hormone replacement, as it is likely more appropriate for humans to use hormones that are the same as what our bodies make, rather than synthetic compounds and horse estrogens.
Still - the bigger problem here is hat she doesn't SEE her loss of libido as a problem. I went through a period of decreased libido. I went to my doctor to find out what was the matter, because previously I had loved sex with my husband. If she doesn't care enough about your R and about her sex life to look for answers, then maybe she's not the one for you?
Thanks to both of you for being kind and caring. This is the most impossible situation, when a relationship provides you SO MUCH and this is lacking/non-existent and is so important to you. It is hard not to feel shallow and, I don't know, sick somehow, for wanting what is natural to want with your partner?
We've ineffectively tried to break up. This is NOT how I normally do relationships. Very complicated because there is so much good. And I want to scream and rage and cry constantly at the unfairness of it. We are to the point that I can't say anything because she gets defensive and we both just feel awful.
Kelly, welcome back...do you want to share more of your story? The questions I posed in my first response to you would help us to help you. But this is also a place you can just vent, if you don't want to share more.
If you read around a bit, hopefully you are seeing that there are so many others in your same shoes....sad but true. But at least that offers other people to commisserate with.
