Yikes, Lee! Does she take the pill? Because being on the pill doesn't usually cause any problems, being off it with the PMS etc usually does. If she is having problems on the pill she is on, she can easily get her gyn to switch her to one that will cause less fluctuations in her moods. Just one more thing for you to have to worry about!
Thanks for stopping by my thread. Still don't feel like I am as detached as I could/should be. The doubts love to creep in, and I feel there will be no good end to all of this. But at other times, I think positively and that things will definitely work out. The real frustration is the no communication with my H and the fact that he literally announced one day that he didn't care for me any more and that was that. Of course, that was the beginning of the A...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Lee - have to disagree with holdingon - some women can experience depression with the pill. So do your part and pick up some condoms.
Funny condom story. When I was engaged to H, we went on a backpacking trip. Didn't want to use my usual method of birth control while backpacking, and felt like gee, we'd been in this R for a long time now, HE should be the one to buy the condoms. Well, he put it off and put it off until we were on our way to the trail head, and we stopped at the last available drug store. I helped him pick them out, but insisted he pay. So I'm standing behind him in the checkout line, leafing through a magazine, and I look up just in time to see the following slow-motion movie scene - the checker reaches for the microphone and calls out "Price check on Trojan Naturalambs"!!! I STILL don't think my H has forgiven me!!
Is she still talking about having a baby? At least she told you about going off the BC!! Tread lightly!!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
I am not to sure what to think about it all. I know that my W does not want to use Condoms with this she says that she doesnt like them. So maybe I will just have to learn to not want it anymore. Is that a laugh or what . Anyway Im not sure what im going to do at this point in time. I am sticking to the 180 so I won't have to worry about that kind of contact for a while now. So that will give me some time to formulate a plan.
I have been reading this post and the previous one. Keep up the good work looks like you are having an uphill struggle with your W at the moment. Just a thought: maybe W is testing you with this coming off BC thing. Your 180 is no intimacy, this comes right at same time as her expressed desire to have another baby. Maybe she is thinking he doesn't want intimacy because he doesn't want a baby. (I mean I know you don't right now) but maybe she is reading it wrong you know what I mean. I think she is focused on the baby thing and nothing else at the moment. Women can get that way My sister got a 2nd baby out of her H right before she threw him out. She knew the M was on the rocks but she also wanted 2nd child and wanted them to be true sibs. Also I guess she didn't want to have to wait around to find new partner. I know it's a hateful thought and I don't want to bring you down or anything but your w's attitude combined with wanting the baby kind of sounds like the same thing to me Tread very carefully you are doing a great job so far. Maybe you should talk to her about the baby and talk about being good parents etc, working on R from that point of view.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Lee, do you think her going off the pill is just about the side effects, or do you think there's a more subtle message there about how much she wants the baby?
There are other options for BC besides the pill and condoms. There are several new things for women that can be used and cause fewer side effects than the pill. Maybe she could talk to her OB/GYN about it.
Anyway, you are doing great with your 180 and you are seeing baby steps. I know how hard it is to piece, and I am hoping the best for you.
I think there is a subtle hint with going off the BC. What to do about it im not sure. I guess in the coming days I will really find out if it was a hint or not. She was telling me that I don't kiss her deeply anymore, and that kind of thing. I told he that is because when I do try to do that and she is not in the mood I get rejected so I don't try to anymore. She said give me a break. So I don't think that it is getting through to her about my needs. With this 180 though my PMA and everthing has been really good. I think that she is wondering why I am not bugging her about intimacy. This time I have stuck to it and It is doing well for me to. I dont constantly feel as though im being rejected. Then again if you never try anything then you can't be rejected now can you.
Just Thought I would update this a little bit. The last couple of days have been ok then yesterday she is talking to me on the phone and starts mentioning how we will be intimate that night. Myself I should know better and I start getting my hopes up a little bit as she is talking. I answere her with oh yeah that sounds fun and that will be kewl. So on so forth. So after work I go and work out which I have been doing a lot of lately and it is starting to show. After I work out I come home and give her a hug and a kiss. She is acting kind of flirty and stuff.
The good thing is im sticking to my 180 and im not iniating intimacy. Which is really tough for me not to do. I didnt iniate though. I was very loving and stuff while she was around. So about 9:00 pm she decided that she was going to take a nap. I said great and just hung out. She got up about 10:00 came down stairs and hung out with me for about an hour and then it was my bed time. So I gave her a kiss and said good night she said good night and stayed downstairs to watch TV and get ready to go to work. So anyway still nothing even though she talked about it quite a bit today.
The question I have is if she is not connected to me why would she talk about it and flirt. In my head it is saying that she is just doing it to toy with me but I know that is probably not the case. So if anyone can shed some light let me know. Im baffled by this.
Another good thing is the 180 has helped I dont feel hurt or rejected because Im starting to expect this behavior. Im not sure if I should change this 180 as I am not seeing to much pay off. I think I will wait and give it another week or so.
Tread very carefully you are doing a great job so far.