Cinco, I don't talk about it here much, but I have had addiction issues in the past...along with the cheating behaviors when I was married...
Every time I was truly repentent and asked for "help" with any issue, that help was given to me. I can feel a warm loving calm presence wash over me when I am truly open to receiving that help, and I do find that whatever addiction was niggling at me, suddenly gets "blocked", and I am not niggled by it anymore when I've prayed for that help!
The key is being TRULY repentent and TRULY needing/wanting/accepting help. That's when it works.
It doesn't work if you ask for help but you don't actually intend on trying to help yourself. If you expect Him to do it all for you, it won't work. But if you resolve to quit a behavior, and resolve that you will do the hard work to quit it, and you ask for help in remaining strong...then suddenly....you are stronger than you ever thought you could be and its easier than you imagined it could possibly be!
Maybe you know what I am describing here? I think you do.
So here's another thing...
I think maybe we can somehow get Mrs. Cinco to make those prayers for herself. I think that once she realizes that you are going to eventually ask for a divorce, then she will have no choice but to pray for help. And once she does that, from a place of fear and insecurity over losing you, she will finally be TRULY asking Him for help...and that is when a miracle just might occur.
I have to shake you by the shoulders again though and tell you to NOT let this subject drop for weeks at a time. When you do that, you are telling her with your inaction that you will accept things the way they are. So your job is to keep on her until she fully understands that there will be an ultimatum. Keep bringing up those tough conversations, no matter how many tears or insults she throws at you. Do NOT back down from your conviction to have a happy and passionate life.
Another thing I haven't really described on this board is that, when I was married and we were sexless and miserable, I prayed and prayed and prayed that some how my sex drive would come back. I prayed for a wild, fun sex life. I prayed to be free from whatever was "wrong" with me that caused me to have no sex drive. I prayed like this for literally 10 years in a row. I keep my journals, so I can go back and read those prayers now...I am amazed at how long I prayed for the same thing!
But what finally had to happen was...I had to get divorced. The answer to my prayer was "yes I will give you back your sex drive, but you are with the wrong man". I kept refusing that answer, but wondering why my prayer wasn't answered. Until the day I woke up and said "I can't live like this anymore...I'm moving out".
That was the day my sex life finally improved, and NOW my sex life is everything I prayed for all of those years. And NOW I understand that every sign along the way had told me that I was with the wrong man. I loved him, and I could have easily remained married to him forever...but I would have never felt my passion with him. That was the final lesson I had to accept.
Cinco, I hope this isn't the case for you and Mrs. Cinco. But maybe you should be prepared for it, just in case. I think you are getting to the point where you are beginning to prepare yourself.
My point still stands though - one way or the other, my prayer was finally answered. PRAYER WORKS!
Have hope! One way or the other! And we'll help you get through it either way.
