Two affairs in 5 months....

[marisol35]

Hi Hope!

Everything I find keeps amazing me. For him to go to the Divorce store to file, him saying all of these cruel things like "why would you want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you" and not remembering our anniversary then saying that I care more about this relationship than he does. Its just overwhelming and I take deep breaths so that I don't loose my mind.

Although many on this forum are doing everything they possibly can to save their marriages I'm afraid mine cannot be saved. He is going full speed ahead with the D and not looking back or thinking twice about it. He wants me fully out of his life so he can start his new life with 21 OW. I just have a strong feeling wanting this D in such a hurry is because he wants to marry OW or she is pregnant. I could be wrong but that is my gut feeling.

I saw today that he bought tickets for him and her to go to Colorado where she is from next month. I'm sure it is to meet her parents. Of course why would a man fly (especially someone who hates flying) out to see a woman's parents?

I have no energy to do anything. This is the part where I have to tell myself that I must move on and go on with my life without him. Even if through all of this he would come back months or a year from now I do not believe I will or could take him back. My love for him will always be there but everyday it gets weaker and weaker when I find out things like this or read things that he tells her or especially when he dismisses the hurt his D16 is going through.

He has hurt me one too many times. I am tired and I have to believe that in this big world of ours there is someone out there who will treat me with respect, courtesy, honesty, and appreciate me for who I am as a woman, as a mother, and as a friend. I have to believe I can love again. I have to believe I am a beautiful, successful, intelligent woman that deserves all of the happiness and joy out of life.

I will keep GALing for myself and no one else. I will do 180's for myself and no one else because he has proven to me that it won't matter to him what I do because it's over.

I have to start healing myself so I can start living again.

I will live through it.