Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

Hi PDT.

Firstly, let me say thankyou for taking the time to read through all of the thread.
I'm so grateful to you for doing that, and I'm sorry it's a bit verbose.

Guess I use this forum to vent, journal etc.

I have read about your sitch, and the many posts in which you have given your experience, thoughts and advice.

To answer your question about help.....

I have some difficulty reconciling myself to the fact that my W is in another relationship, and that we are still married. You will know from my posts, that I have been recently trying to follow a path of friendship to help counteract some of the negative feelings that she has toward me.

Although I'm trying to think positively, I have had the most dramatic reactions from her in the past when I have in some way, confronted her about her behaviour.

I said a few months ago that I was not happy to give her the "time and space" tthat she needed, if she was going to fill that time with another R.

I was very non confrontational but strong then.

But of course, she's continued along that path, and I'm still giving her "time and space" et al, and sometimes feel like I'm just giving her A my okay in some way.

I have misgivings that I am simply enabling her to live her life like nothing has changed, except the fact that she has no responsibilty or commitment to me as a partner or husband. She is in our house, with our kids, and gets all her needs from her A.

I guess I felt that I had no choice but to accept the way things were, because I felt pretty much entirely responsible for the fact she had ended our marriage.(Rightly or wrongly). So I didn't feel I had any right to ask her to do or not do anything.

The only real boundary that I have tried to set, is that she doesn't talk to me about OM.

Am I being a wuss here? Do I feel like a doormat?........ a bit.

I just wonder if I'm missing an important part of the DB thing, about showing strength and dignity.

I am trying to be patient and follow the DB thing as much as I can, but your take on things is slightly different, and I would respect your opinion on anything I have posted. BTW, no "smoke blowing" needed!! I think I'm a realist. lol

Thanks so much for taking the time.

Grant