Jeff! You sound like the X. No seriously thanks for the 2X4! We are D yes and so I need to realize that now more than ever I can't control his life. He said he just knew I was going to find those pics when he left me in the car but becasue they mean nothing he didn't worry about it.
Ok so I just let his mood be his mood right just like his truth is his truth. I can do that (I hope)
For what it's worth I didn't beat him up (lol?) Yes he was shocked! No I won't do that again.
Tonight will get better. I've spoken to him since then and we civilily reached an agreement about something financial that was pending. When we settled it I told him I'm glad we could find a good solution and then got off the phone.
Ok I'm still learning and I think I'm getting it. It's just so hard to break bad habits...well maybe not hard so maybe I'm really stubborn?
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
A lot of it is changing the topic. If I'm around him I can start to talk about something else like I did after he called me a PITA. I started talking about work. It seemed to go ok then until he left me alone in the car. When I saw those pics I don't know what I could have done. I think the key was NOT to look around the car. I could have prevented this by simply minding my own business.
I do get angry pretty quick and quite ofen I don't stop to think who might get affected by this anger. I think if I stop and think even for a couple seconds I realize that I'm about to hurt a lot of special people.
My goal is to get xh back and at the same time have a life myself. To meet that goal I need to let him be and to show him how much I've changed but need to keep changing also. And at the same time meet new people so that I'm not so dependant upon him. A short term goal is for us to feel confortable enough around each other to want to spend more time together.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
jen- i used to have an anger issue too. my H wanted out (this was the first sep) i realized then and there that if i continued i would lose my H. I stopped being angry and screaming and hitting walls, etc. i never did it again. still havent 3 years later.
I told myself i have no other option but to stop. you dont either. if you do it again he will emotionally leave and never come back.
Once i stopped allowing my anger to take control of me- i felt so much better. but it isnt easy work.
i dont know what i would do with an EA or PA...but i know that allowing yourself to 'lose it' doesnt help you at all. the cleanup is worse than the actual event sometimes.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Hi Pisces thanks for that. I think you're right I do need to take control. I have a desire to control so this shouldn't be too difficult.
I think that the EA is over and I know they both regretted it. I have to let it go. I want to let it go. Every time I get to a point that I don't think about it something comes up (her calling last week, pics found this week). He told me that he wished it would all just go away and so do I. Maybe it's all as innocent as he says it is?
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
