In a way it was a drive by greeting, but it wasn't quite as abrupt as it sounded. That's about all the response she ever gives, unless she has something to complain about. The way she jumped, you'd think she didn't think there was another person within 50 miles. She is clearly sending a message.
So, I had C this morning, and talked about this little encounter. I have to say, the C isn't very optimistic, and I have to agree with her. W clearly does not want ANY physical contact. She has given up, if she ever really was interested. And I'm about there, too. We think that W may have always "used" me as a means to financial security, starting with a way out of her parents' home. Despite what FMO says, in her case I think security means financial security, not emotional security. Anyway, she stays in the current situation because it gives her the most financial security she can have, much better than if we got D'ed. But, she is, at this point, not interested in any kind of emotional relationship. I'm sure that there are things I did to help lead to this, but I am not sure that in the end any of them really mattered. I think she is angry, and I think I just had a thought as to why!
OK, how about this one..... brand new thought, nay be whacko! She is angry, and takes it out on me, because she sees herself as a prostitute! The whole relationship was her selling herself for financial security! And it's all my fault! (In her eyes.) No wonder she's angry at the world, if this is true.
Anyway, back to the C session. C said something about hoping that the M had not injured my self esteem. I laughed at her, and said that I didn't realize that she was a comedienne! She said that W had probably been able to use that against me for a long time. I think she is right. W knew that she could always "win" when we had a "discussion."
So, then the question becomes what do I do about it. I think I have to present a real separation as a possibility, but I really, really want to be able to do it in a way that does not endanger the commitment we've made to the kids. And that is the tricky part. But I think it has to be done, one way or the other. So, I am going to seriously crunch numbers, and figure out the best possibility that supports the kids, and doesn't ruin me. C suggested that it might be a good idea to figure out what the likely outcome would be if the "system" figured it out, and use that as the "worst case", in developing a better plan. It might help.
