For the Guy with Kids and a WW 12

[Puppy Dog Tails]

P.S.

H4H, it would be really helpful if you could better identify who is saying what in your detailed dialogue exchanges. I have a hard time determining sometimes what YOU said vs. what YOUR WIFE said, and it obviously changes the dynamic SIGNIFICANTLY sometimes. We're all looking for clues on how to help you and support you.

thanks,

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

After the parent deal, I call D11 at about 7:10. She says she still hasn't eaten, S14 went to a football game, and D6 is asleep. I tell her to eat, I will go buy some dog food and get there after. I do that, get to the apartment and she still hasn't eaten. Dinner is almost ready. I'm hugging D11, talking to her. Wife is in the kitchen still cooking. It's about 7:30. I walk over to the bar area by the kitchen, say hi and put some papers from the night there for her to see. She says hi too. She yells at D11 to come eat. I ask about D6 and she tells me to wake her up to eat. Again, she is wearing that long black cotton sun dress. The one that show off the girls. She looks good. I love that damn dress on her. AARRGGHHHHH! Now she is just doing it on purpose, I think. F'ing games on both of our parts.

"Do you want to eat?" She asked.
"Uhhh...yeah, sure." I replied.

Several attempts to wake up D6 do not work. She is OUT. I let her stay. We sit down and start to eat. Do some talking to D11 about her day, so on and so forth. D11 runs to the computer in the bedroom and the wife starts to talk. She asks why I'm making lunches. I say I make them everday. She asks if they are asking for lunch. I say that I have been making them lunch from the beginning. I enjoy it and they DO ask me to make lunch. She tells me that they now get free lunches. She qualified.

Interesting.

She asks if I have heard from her ex. I tell her we talked a little last week about some things she said about spanking. She tells me he is spinning all sorts of crap. She is no happy with him right now. He is somehow not paying child support anymore. Started last week. I ask something and then S14 comes home. She motions we'll talk later. I talk to S14 about his day. Tests, the game, such and such. She brings up his Myspace. He has to make some changes.

The rest of the night is S14 and D11 interacting and having a good time. Like a family. I am being really cool. I keep finding her having a wondering look. Thinking, like far off sometimes. The kids are having a lot of fun and I'm talking to them and joining their conversation. Laughing. The wife too. Finally things start to wind down. Wife is tired. It is now about 9 and SHE tells D11 to get her stuff. We talked about cancelling the Hollywood video deal and maybe she might go with Netflix. I tell her I have one movie in the car. She says to give it to her because she will take back a movie too. "What Happens in Vegas." Trying to get kids to go, she starts to pack up some boxes to throw away. I motion for her to call me. She looks at me, "For what?"

"If you want to talk about Oscar. What you didn't finish talking about." Now thinking back, I said this a little snippy because HER reply was a little snippy already.
"I can handle it myself." Her look was back. Mean.
Now WTF? Fine. The new her is back. Dr Jeckyll in the house.

Out the door, we discuss a little about tomorrow's early release for the girls. I turn to leave. No goodbye. She doesn't F'ing deserve it. Get the two kids in the car.

I grab the movie that I brought in. I was just about to tell S14 to take it to his mom but I decided to take it myself.

I'm either a sadist or masochist. One or the other. I can't remember which is which. Maybe I'm both.

I go knock on the door. She is holding the little dog like she was going to take it out to walk.


I ask her if she wants to return it or me. She says she can. I ask her about the movie she has. Is it good? She can only get through the first half then falls asleep. Gonna try to watch the second half tonight.

"Okay. Bye." I said.
I start to walk away.
"I'm sorry I was rude." She starts to tell me. I turn to face her.
"I.....I'm just really disgusted right now with Oscar."
I stand there looking at her.
"And your disgusted with ME why?"

She looks at me frustrated. Something's coming. I can just FEEL it. She is looking for the words.

"Look, I know your pissed at me. I know I'm the one that left. But I left you almost all the stuff in the house. I'm disgusted and frustrated. I just don't want anything to do with ALL of ya'll right now. I just want to be left alone." Her anger is building.

"Because I did....." I'm asking.

She brings up the car insurance?

"I drive your kids around all over the place and you want to cancel the insurance? Whatever. Go ahead. Cancel it. I already found a different insurance. Thats why I said it didn't matter to me. You can't pay for the damn car insurance? Its your kids."

???????

I just stand there looking at her. In amazement.

"The girls spend just as much time with me as they do you." I try to explain to her.
She looks at me like I'M crazy.
She tries to tell me, "They spend the night with you. They spend most of their time here with me."

I repeat what I told her.

"They spend just as much time with me as they do you. They do NOT just spend the night with me. They spend a week with me and then they spend a week with you."
Again, her look.

I tell her "You just don't understand, do you?"

I tell her they do not live with her and they do not live with me. They spend equal time.

"They spend more time here." She starts to tell me.
"Because they come here after school? While your at work? That effects you..... how?"
"Electricity. Food. Believe me, I don't mind." Now she is like contradicting herself. She is starting to feel the financial pain. She may be getting $ from OM but it may not be enough. She's just dumb.

WT? I remind her I wanted them to go straight to the house afterschool during my week. SHE wanted to have them come here.

She tells me, "Yes I did. Your way, they are home alone too long."
"No they aren't. The bus ride is just longer."
"They don't need to be on the bus that long. Look, I just want whats best for the kids."
"So do I. THATS what is important." I try to agree with her.
She starts to tell me, "We need to do whats right for them. Juli is having the hardest time of the three. Maybe we need to consider making the time longer."
"Like two weeks at a time?" I asked.
"I don't know. They just don't have time to settle. Like they are living out of bags." She also added that again, whatever is best for them.
I tell her, "I talk to them all the time. We need to work things the best we can because...."

"What? Work because of MY decision, huh?"

Now she is glaring.

"I tell them we just have to do the best that we can. Time here and at home. You don't see how when they are with me, they don't want to come back HERE. You just see the part when they have to leave here. They do the same thing with me. About having to come back here and staying at home."

"By the way, you can take down the shrine." This like came out of nowhere, like a freakin' bat buzzed by.

????? Again, I'm just looking at her. She repeated it.

"At the house. Take down the shrine."

"It's not a shrine. They are MY pictures."
"Yeah, the pictures of us...the promise paper....you can take it all down...

We are not getting back together."

"They are still mine."
"Put up pictures of the kids. Something happy."
"The pictures are FOR the kids."
"It's not helping them. It's hurting them."
"Well, they are mine. You TOOK all the other pictures."
"I'm almost done with the albums. And that cross. I'm not dead."
"Well, the pictures stay up. They are mine. I'm still married."

The cross was hers. It is a cross that has the saying "Love is patient.....On one blank wall by doorway, I have the Contract and under it, a picture of us kissing at the wedding. I put the cross on the other end of the wall, nearer to the door. I put only one other picture on the other opposite wall to the doorway. Me kissing her cheek at the reception. She is looking directly at the camera. Really a good picture.

She just looks at me. That weird look. Like pissed and sad at the same time.

"They are my hope. I still have hope."

We look at each other. I'm searching for words. She stopped talking.

"I know you think that I'm just sitting at the house wallowing in self pity. I'm not." I was tempted to start telling her more, but I stopped myself.
"I KNOW you not just sitting at home." Yeah, she knows I'm going out a lot.
"I'm not. But......

I still.... have hope." I said it kinda slow, thoughtful, and directly in the eyes.

I start to turn and give a small single wave and walk.
She gives me a small "goodnight" and walks back in.

I did not return it.

I knew the pictures of us would only piss her off. The Promise Contract. I just knew it.

[hopeful4her]

What a crazy morning.

I ended up leaving D6 at wife's apartment. She wouldn't wake up. Last night, after I posted, I went to lay in her bed. Passed out. D11 was in her bed. No alarm clock.

Next thing I know, my cell phone is ringing. I can tell by the ringer it is the wife. I'm thinking its like 2 or 3am. Now what? I'm kinda trippin'. She asks if were awake.

????????

I say I'm awake. I look at the clock. 6:40am!! D11's bus gets there in about 15 minutes. I tell her what happened. I decide that she won't go to school today. They are early release day anyway. I'll leave her at the apartment before I go to work. We talk about the sitter and D6 will go to school.

I wake up D11 and she is up and ready in 6 minutes. She thinks she wants to go still. I call wife back to tell her and she is now going to keep D6 home as well so now D11 has to stay home too. We agree on when I'll get her to the apartment. Before she has to go to work. I little chit chat about work and traffic.

I get a call from my good buddy. Talk about my weekend last weekend and possible plans for this weekend. I lost track of time again. Now I'm rushing to get ready. Its all me. I know wife has to leave by 8. Its 7:55 by the time we leave. I call her to let her know. She tells me D6 is already up and VERY grouchy. Doesn't want to stay with her sister. I tell wife to ignore it, she is just waking up.

I get there and sure enough D6 is acting up. Wife says she has to leave.

She looks and smells good, BTW. Those strappy heeled sandals I stupidly bought her a several months ago. Again, AAARRGGHHH!

But so do I Look and smell good. No heels Today, that is.

I'm trying to cheer up D6. Talking to her. D11 takes little dog for a walk. Wife is in kitchen making those little sausages. It's like 8:25. She was supposed to leave at 8.

???????

She asks if I have to leave or if I have a few minutes. I tell her to leave, I'll finish cooking it. I tell her D11 already ate. She says that D11 asked for it. She is late and leaving.

I finish cooking. I ask D11 why she is eating again.

"I didn't ask for it. I just told her that it SMELLED like sausage. She asked me and I told her not really, but that I didn't care. I didn't ask for it."

We agree that mom is nuts and we laugh to ourselves.

Now I'm late for work. I missed a conference call. Boss called me and hung up on me. She's pissed. By the time I get to work, she is fine. No big deal.

I send wife an email. When she left, D6 was still very upset:


"The kids were fine by the time I left. Did you get in trouble?
I missed a conference call. Boss even hung up on me after she called me.

Oh well. She's dramatic. She was fine by the time I got here.

I told the girls no parties or drinking alcohol. I also talked to Amanda and told her to be extra sensitive today. To be a good babysitter.

Enjoy."


I know. Stupid email. I shouldn't have asked anything. Shouldn't have sent it at all probably.

She had told them she would take them lunch on her lunch break. I just called the kiddo's and they canceled those plans. D11 told her not to. Too far. I guess wife agreed pretty easily.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Keep doing what you are doing with the D's. As has been told to me by others, be their ROCK they can rely on. It is showing and the D's notice it! This is HARD AS H3LL ON THEM and they have NO FRIGGIN SAY IN ANYTHING. Sorry, but that is the thing that infuriates me the most!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK - sorry for the rant, but hopefully you can relate!

[hopeful4her]

They DO realize it. At least D11 AND S14 knows. Last night, when the wife and I were talking to S14 alone, I relayed to wife how S14 had gotten mad at me. She asked why. I told her that Wed. night at the house, he wanted to invite a friend over. I told him no. Do his homework and study his book I bought the same day. He had a test yesterday on it. He got mad.

He agreed that he got mad, but he did really well on the test. I told him:

"See. Doesn't dad know?"

He agrees and starts to tell his mom how he needs more discipline. Needs to get in trouble more often. He has a problem with authority, he thinks.

I remind him that I have no problem with that. I tell him, "Never have, right?" He agrees. We both look at his mom.

[kat727]

Karen didn't get the movie in yet, so we are still waiting for movie night. "Dan in real Life". I will let you know when as soon as I find out.

kat

[whatdidido]

h4h is shooting off truth darts, and so is S14...whatdoya know......

[Puppy Dog Tails]

:) h4h is shooting off truth darts, and so is S14...whatdoya know......

LOVE it!!!

[hopeful4her]

Get this. The reason we had to get S14 a new book was because he needed a mystery novel to read the last two weeks. His mom got him "To Kill a Mockingbird"?????

I saw him reading it on Tuesday and told him I was looking at it too. A 'friend' had just read it and reminded me about it. I told him it is NOT a mystery novel. His mom went out that night and got him an audo book that night. "The Body Farm". That night, he got through half of it. He then found out he still had to have the actual book. The one I got him on Wednesday evening.

Anyway, I found out what it was about. S14 and I were discussing it in front of his mother last night. You could tell it was over her head. She just listened to us talk. She then mentioned another book she had gotten him. Something by Agatha Christy. I dont remember the name of it, but she only saw her name on the back cover. Clarissa. S14 and I start to discuss that one too. He did not realize that she is the author of "Murder on the Orient Express". He knows the movie.

Wife looks proud of the books that she has picked out.
"Yeah, you'll like the one with my name in it." She has no idea.

I look at S14 and ask him to tell his mother what they are about. She looks confused.

"The Body Farm" is about a mother that kills her H. She loves the attention she gets so much that she kills her daughter later to get the same attention. A psycho. Ends up getting killed by a shotgun blast.

The Agatha Christy book is about a woman named Clarissa that is also person trying to cover up her murder of someone.

"What? Your saying I'm a psycho mom that kills her kids?"

S14 and I look at each other and smile. "We ain't sayin' nothing."

[kat727]

Oh how sweet! They have to make everything about them don't they? So am I the "friend"? Aw heck I know I am just wanted you to laugh. My wonderful boss let me off early so I am home hoping that my basement doesn't flood!

kat