Hi P thanks but I think we had a bit of a backslide today
He picked me up from a clients today and as usual was a tad sour. Then he gets a text message he started smiling so I said "you're sour with me but as soon as you get a text you light up" So we got into a bit of an arguement about how we are always sour and can't get along and he told me I was a PITA and I told him he was unfair etc, etc, etc. We changed the topic and all was settled down...
We went to pick D up from his parents house and he left me in the car for a few minutes. I snooped and found 2 pictures of the EA!!! I was so upset. He came to the car with D and I told him "you should take D back upstairs because you and I are gonna talk". I yelled, screamed and hit I couldn't believe what I had found. He just took it all in and didn't try to fight me when I punched and slapped him. he got a little angry but just let me get it out of my system. He dropped me off at another clients and left.
Later we were texting and then he called. We spoke for about 40 minutes. I was walking home crying away I felt like such a loser. I told him stuff and he told me stuff. He said that no matter what he tells me about those pictures I won't believe. We talked about us and how we drifted apart especially over the past year and that we can't be together because we fight. He said that the only time we can be in the same room together and NOT fight is when we're having sex (at least he remembers that!). It went on and he told me he has thought about coming home so many times but can't come back to our R. He said that after a while Love turned into obligation and he can't be married because of obligation. That maybe a couple years back we should have gone see a MC that who know what might have happened. He said that we don't work and he didn't know how we could. We both agreed that we want to be friends and D needs us to get along. We talked and listened to each other. We both know we need to try and get along.
At the end he asked me about D tonight. And asked if I was going out and I said no and I asked him and he said he didn't have any plans either. So I asked him to come to dinner. He asid he wasn't sure because I found the pics and it would be uncomfortable. I told him "if we are to be friends we should put this behind us. I was willing to try if he was" and he said ok he'd stay for dinner (yay)
Ok thats my book for today.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
