Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[blindsided1]

You'll have more good days GM. Can't wait to see Gabby. FYI -we refer to FB as the Alternate Universe. You'll see that floating around the posts.

I have new pics in the Alternate Universe if anyone is interested. Just showing off Little Miss K

[blindsided1]

Off to pick up my sweetheart. Love you guys. Have a good evening.

[Forrest Gump]

"I know that once I am past this part of my life, I'll look back and think...I wasted a lot of time dwelling on HIS life and not on my own. It's hard to grieve the loss of your M. It hurts."

I know.. its not fun. And at times it feels like a knife.

But you just said.. I know. I know I need to be me. I know I need to stand out. I know he is missing "life".

You said... I know!!!

One of the first things we touched on was the control he had.

I am gonna tell you.. you can take the control away. You can.

You just gotta stop saying.. I Can't.

"Getting laid is not my goal, but it was interesting that he mentioned the rings right after I posted about them. Hmmmm. A sign, maybe, that it might be time?"

It does not matter what other people think! Truth be told.. you could get laid with the rings on. It just goes to prove that you stand out. And still can't "see" it.

You make the choice on what to do with the rings. Even if a year from now.. you go on your first date with "OM".. and you wear the rings.. thats OK. Even if you are D.

The rings.. will always represent who you were. Standing there exchanging them with H. I like that person.. your H did to. You were good enough.. I don't understand.. why you think you are not now? (I really do understand why.. it just takes something away from what I am telling you)

Don't get stuck.. on what to do.

Understand what you do.. and accept it.

[blindsided1]

Ahhh, yes, it isn't enough just to "know" these things. I need to live them. See, I hear you Forrest. You are absolutely right that it doesn't matter what other people think. It's about me on the ring issue. So, for now, they stay on. Although, I will still probably remove them when I see H. The rings represent the love and committment I vowed to show my H, whether or not he is showing it to me. I still love him even if he is acting like poop. He is my family and I am his friend even if he doesn't want to be mine.

I stumble upon our wedding ceremony outline yesterday. I had forgotten how beautiful some of the passages from the readings were. I'd like to post one:

A Gift from the Sea/A Gift of the Sea, Anne Marrow Lindbergh

When you love someone, you do not love that person all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity-in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what might be in anticipation, but in living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now within their limits-islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides. One must accept the security of the winged life, of the ebb and flow of intermittency.

I wish my H believed in this as much as I do.

So, yesterday was a good day. I made it so. I did not dwell nor did I even really think about him beyond hoping that he made it back from his out of town job, safely. Something strange though, I was looking at my phone at home (land line) and on the caller id was his phone number. He never calls that line - ever. There was no message, but it made me wonder why? No biggy, just weird. I'm not even going to mention it to him. Also, he is giving his dog away. The precious dog the he had to have, so OW bought it for him and called it "their baby" if any of you remember back that long ago. I told him that if he was going to take it to the pound or a rescue, to please let me know and I would take her. Poor dog - no loyalty there either. Amazing how true to his character my H is. He MUST have something and then when it's lost it's novelty, it's dispensable.

Today WILL be another good day. K was a very happy girl this morning and was wearing her little "Thumper" dress and flower slippers - she loves to stare at those little flowers on her feet. When I start to get sad - I pick her up and kiss her and if she isn't with me, I look at her picture. It brings me back to the present and ALL the wonderful things I HAVE in my life. I think that is also why I reach out to all of you. Wonderful people - I have a ton of those in my life. I have everything I NEED. There are just some things I WANT.

Have a great, happy day EVERYONE

[Startingover2]

Glad you sound so good! Nice to hear. One of these days I will make a trip down there and we can get our little ones together.

Keep busy this weekend. Hug Kendall and have fun!

[blindsided1]

Sounds like a wonderful plan to me. I am going to definitely try to stay busy this weekend.

My cute customer just came in again. He's been coming in and awful lot lately. So, it was a nice start to the day.

Have a good weekend, too.

[blindsided1]

I went to lunch today with a friend of mine that is having trouble in his M. Besides the wonderful friends and support I have received from being on the DB board, I gained a lot of knowledge about what it takes to make a M work. I passed on some of the wonderful things I have learned here, to him. Even if I can't save my M, I hope that I have given him the start to help him save his.

I'm starting to miss my H.....yuck, I hate this part.

Ok, ok - STOP - get busy.

[NikB]

Yay B!!! Good job on making it a happy day, and especially on catching your slide. And I'm excited you got to help your friend, too.

[blindsided1]

Thanks for the nice words NIk and GM. Oh, but by the way it isn't my "cousin" that would be creepy. It's my customer.

I'll go post on your thread GM

[Babygirl]

hey sweetie, dont have much time, flooding here, but, i am so proud of you today!!
I will talk to u more tomorrow, have fun, be good.