I think I may belong here.

[tpaschal]

Had a talk with S earlier. Asked him how he was doing with all of this. He is losing respect for his father. He knows I'm hurting, but I have tried very hard not to blame or criticize H to S. He sees his father as giving up and says if he leaves, he won't be able to look at him same way. My heart is breaking for him and H. They have always had a wonderful relationship. H had a sh*t of a father and he worked so hard to be a good father. Can't tell H what S said though, he will see it as a ploy or something. So yes that is upsetting too.

It is really hard, to think of all we have been through together, and it hasn't been easy or pretty, that he can just be so selfish. And knowing how I contributed to it is even harder to face. It can be so hard to hate someone you love but I am living it.

Right there with ya, honey! That is the hardest thing---to watch them throw away their relationships with their children. My H was a loving, supportive, generous husband and father, but no more. The kids are a nuisance to him---they interfere with his fun, no responsibilities lifestyle with the 22 yr. old OW. It is extremely difficult to put up with, and impossible to understand.

I hope you will talk to the doctor about your depression. Hormones and the stress of what you're going through make it more difficult to cope with everything than it needs to be. An anti-depressant won't numb your pain or take away your grief, but it does make it more manageable.