MWG....I'm sure H hasnt really thought about all the financial stuff and everything that goes with it...of course he still says the judge will make sure he can live....that he has to be able to live....I told him the judge can make him get a 2nd job....he doesn't think that can happen either....so talking to the wall again.....Huhhhh.........
I realize this is a rollercoaster but geez when does it start heading down the hill....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
He will be in for a rude awakening if the judge orders him to get a second job. My sister in law is a lawyer back east and she said yes, they can, order you to get a second job.
I used to think my h getting fired would knock some sense into him or that he would hit rock bottom and really think about things. Nope. He is still living with ow and it is just so very strange.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
H was at the house last night after sons baseball practice....went got us pizza...came back and brought his computer in to do some emails in the dining room.....
Then I asked if he notice the flower bed...he said yes but continued with what I should do to MY flower bed...I just didn't respond....everything to him now is mine...he wants nothing to do with any of it or me..
then he left....to go back to work...
Then I went to bed.....I really am just really scared....and to take that final step to file....my stomach has just had it....
The mother of his other child makes more money than he does...so would he really have to pay much? It will just put a huge strain on our finances....he had the nerve to tell me not to blame him for our financial issues.....Ok...well we didn't have a lot of money but we could do what we wanted....now we can't.....I was very hurt by that comment...I know I should ignore all he says but its hard right now....
He is just soooooooo laid back about it all......I wish you all could see it....blows my mind
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese sorry you are hurting like this. How are you expecting your h to act? It could be his coping mechanism to act like all is just casual. I do remember a long time ago soon after all this happened in my sitch where we were out with h's family and there was some history and h just acted like it was all good.
I was shocked. He didn't say hey I am so sorry or anything acted as if the issues between family never happened. I just think it was my h's way of handling all that he could. Just act as if it's all good.
You really don't know what he is really thinking. I am sure he is hurting inside and because it is all out in the open he might be having a peace about the situation because he can't change what happened 8 years ago. He can't make this situation go away.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Your H cannot handle much of anything right now. Don't take it all personally because right now his mind is like a ticking time bomb.
Let him be, small talk, do not engage him in R talks or about the other child.
You don't have to file if you don't want to. If he wants to, he can.
The judge will take everything into account--her salary, his salary, his current situation, etc.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese, I know what you are saying about them acting as if all is well in their world. Maybe it is. But what about ours and our childrens? Right?
My H says all the time. "I'm fine" and that is about everything...
Hang in there girl. I don't know if it's right or not. Sometimes I wonder if this is all just a scam and we should just face reality. That they are never coming back and we are all wishing on a pipe dream.
Well...for me, I'm not filing until I absolutely have to. If he wants this D he's going to have to do it.
For now...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
"Sometimes I wonder if this is all just a scam and we should just face reality. That they are never coming back and we are all wishing on a pipe dream."
And to that I say with God all things are possible. HE hates divorce and if you put your faith and trust in Him, it can all work out for HE is in charge. And yes, there are instances where He works things out but it might not be what we want at the moment.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese, Your h is somewhat acting like a child, hoping against, hope that the nightmare is just that....a nightmare. He's still very much in denial and the more he has to face the consequences of his actions (dna testing), etc., the more he's going sweep it under the rug. He's scared to death of what is going to happen. Yes, he may be acting casual on the outside, but none of us knows what really is going on inside of him. Some men want to give the appearance of being all macho, etc., but deep down, they are shaking in their boots and I bet your h is the same way.
You are looking for and expecting him to be reacting a certain way. Expectations have to be tossed at the window. You have to remember.....he's not the man you once knew. He's going to react differently and most likely like he would have as a teenager or let's say this....the exact opposite of what he once would have done.
Treese, keep the focus on you and your children. Allow God to watch over and "handle" your h and his behavior.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Treese - I've been off reading, reading, reading on other sites. I am learning more at marriagebuilders and 40/60. If these sites get edited out, TM me, and I'll send them on. I am convinced and am slowly getting my mind to the place where we just have to let them go. Write them off. They are gone. I think we need to move forward, do what is best for us---for our health and sanity. What they have done to us, what your H has done to YOU and your FAMILY is wrong. Detachment is the key. Live for yourself now----you and the kids only. If your H comes around, the fog lifts, and he sees the light you will be there---happy and healthy. If we continue like this, if you continue to let him beat you down, then when he sees the light there will be nothing left of YOU and how could he return???
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Di....you are right.....I have done a little better in the past week or so....mainly cause I haven't seen H much....and the contact I have had has been little....
I have been going out with friends lately....alot....son says I go out every night...lol....see how used they are to me being home and moping....I can't do it anymore....I want a life....I want to feel good, happy, and free....it's time....I can't change the past....I can now just move in a direction good for ME and my children....if he files...so be it....he's the one who loses....of course I say this now until he comes over and plays with my emotions all over again....until that envelope comes to tell me he is the father of the other child....until all this comes to surface AGAIN......but maybe I'll be stronger about it...I don't know....I just hope you all will still be here to help pick up my pieces....to get me through it AGAIN.....
Ok, so I'm going to be poor....but money poor....not love poor....I am still Treese....I am still the loving, caring, giving person I have always been.....and NO ONE can take that away....
The other day my son's bball game got cancelled because of the storm coming in....IKE remnants.....the wind was at 75 mph...awful....we actually had a state of emergency....school has been out for 3 days....anyway...H did call to tell me to get flashlights out just in case I was to lose power....so yes, he was thinking about us....but he knew I already knew to do that... He has been extremely busy with work as he is in charge of 8 stores and 6 were without power....some still have no power...a lot of the city has no power....D16's friends have no power and fortunately we never lost power....I told all her friends they were welcome here to shower or whatever....that's what you do in crisis....you help....those kids know they can count on me....maybe God left me with power for a reason.....don't know if H has power where he is staying...never asked....don't really care....
So, this is where I stand right now....making the best of a bad situation.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
