By the way, she is trying to get you to buddy up about Oscar...that's her new topic to suck you in to bond. Remain polite but focused on the kids. She is seeing what's going on...she is seeing what she is losing.....this is all goooooood. Don't feel BAD that she is pissed about the marriage contract...this is the first time you told her that you WERE STILL MARRIED AND HAVE HOPE. SHe needed to hear that. She is very firm on being "Ms. INdependent" so let her, but the reminder that she is still married and screwing up the kids is a good one.
I was also going to comment that I feel like it's abundantly clear, H4H, that your wife is trying to show you just HOW MUCH SHE DOESN'T NEED YOU. (like with the lunches, and there've been numerous other examples of that). I think it would be good for you to say something to her like "Look, I hear you. I understand that you don't NEED me to do _______ , but I want to, and there are going to be things that I continue to want to do for my children."
