Peicing but Angry and Confused.......HELP !

[RedHeadWife]

My first thought about her being in C for 7 yrs is that I don't think anything seemed to help her during that time (edit - at least to issues that would make her feel more loving, caring & closer to you). Also, she truly should NOT have gotten married at the time she did, w/ all the issues that she seemed to still have regarding the past and then what happened to her just a month before the wedding, no matter how much she thought she loved you or thought you would somehow change or help how she felt (which is totally unfair to you) in some way after she married you.

Sounds like she has a LOT of issues that don't even DIRECTLY relate to you and she has absolutely no desire to fix anything (or so it seems) to help herself or your M.

I don't know if I could continue on in such an unhealthy R/M either. It is absolutely unhealthy and unfair to YOU.

This is totally not DB'ing, but to be honest it sounds like you have been DB'ing since the day you got married, but I would check out this other chick. YOU also have a right to be happy and in a healty R/M. YOU have a right to a happy, fulfilled life too! If she has no desire to help herself or try to show you that you mean absolutely anything to her, or for her to even show you in any way that she acknowledges how much you have done for her and/or tried to help her over the years, she isn't doing ANYTHING to try to *work* on this M.

I don't know, dude, I say go see what's up w/ that other chick. YOu totally have a right to a *LIFE* too and you've already given up 7+ years trying to help your W get a/life, or at least a better life, and she doesn't seem to want to even try to help herself.

Others would probably not agree w/ me here either, (I seem to be completely on your side and do not think your W has done anything to remotely make your life happy for YEARS) but even if she begins to start showing interest all of a sudden if she thinks you may be seeing someone else or went on a date, etc., I think you should get into IC and figure out if you would even be able to live w/ her again as your W. I think there would be *MAJOR* issues for you to get over, the one I can think of right away would be a LOT of resentment toward your W as to how she has treated you, acted, lived, etc. the last 7+ yrs. You may not be able to let go of that and then give up something new that could be wonderful for you.

I will say, however, in terms of my whole D bomb sitch, it was my H that dropped the bomb and we had been married for about 7 yrs and I honestly will admit that I had acted pretty badly for most of that time, or at least after the boys started being born, and he had said he could forgive me for a lot of things, but could not seem to FORGET. Anyway, we went through our sitch for about 3 mnths before he decided to "come back" to our M (which is a relatively short period of time in DB'ing terms), but what I'm trying to say is parts of your story could have been told by my H pre-bomb, however, we are in a really wonderful place now. So, I guess I'm saying it could go either way -- you need to at least take this all slow and make sure you don't end up hurting either woman or yourself.

That's just my $.02 this a.m.