OK so first paragraph was the one I was wondering most about. I guess I will change the part about how I am glad he can talk to me more. So maybe instead,
"Thanks for letting me know how you are doing. Whatever you are doing for yourself definitely seems to be working and you not only sound good but you really look good too ;)!"--is this light enough? It is trying to be flirtatious, and Jody had suggested validating his progress. I want to make sure it doesn't sound condescending though.
I get your point about validating his guilt. I was sort of thinking the same about not "telling" him how to feel. Wouldn't it be great if it were that simple, reverse psychology,like "don't love me please!"
So instead, "I understand that you feel guilty about taking this time for yourself, but I've realized that we both need it, so have taken a page from your book and decided to use this time to work on myself, and I too am getting a lot out of it." I added the "I realized we both needed it" because it was something that Jody had once suggested, and it makes it look like he is doing something good for me.
On the next paragraph then, "I'm definitely converting for me. You led me to Judaism and have been teaching me, and continue to teach me, a lot about it, which I really appreciate, but when I finally take the plunge, so to speak, it will be for myself. It is something that fulfills me."
Then I'll keep the last paragraph about the paintings and the countries, and just add, "Hope you are having a good day"
Does this all seem OK? I REALLY hope this is the end of the email thread, that he reads it, feels good, and gets on with his day.
This is maybe the first time where I haven't WANTED him to contact me. (Doesn't mean I'm not secretly hoping for a weeping phone call where he begs me to come home
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Great! I'll let you know in a couple of days if that's OK. I'll ask OD too. I don't think I'll tell any of my other friends I'm in town as I don't want them to know about the sitch...
I was thinking of coming next Saturday so maybe we could all get together that evening? The tickets are cheaper that day...I;'m flexible about which part of town I stay in since it's just for the night. I actually will have to fly into Stansted, so maybe will just stay there and take the train into town and back, if it runs late enough...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
"Thanks for letting me know how you are doing. Whatever you are doing for yourself definitely seems to be working and you not only sound good but you really look good too ;)!
I like this It also encourages his actions at the weekend, which you def want more of.
Quote:
understand that you feel guilty about taking this time for yourself, but I've realized that we both need it, so have taken a page from your book and decided to use this time to work on myself, and I too am getting a lot out of it." I added the "I realized we both needed it" because it was something that Jody had once suggested, and it makes it look like he is doing something good for me.
Yup, I agree. All good, and the rest of the email sounds great!
Quote:
Doesn't mean I'm not secretly hoping for a weeping phone call where he begs me to come home
If he does this tell him to get on the phone to my h too to make him see 'sense'
No probs about the weekend, just let me know! It'll be fun.
If he does this I will certainly ask him to call all the other DAM on the board! Of course very unlikely, but I guess stranger things have happened...
Alright, sending the email now. I'm now hoping for NO contact for the next day for the first time ever!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I think you should do something good for yourself today - you deserve it. I think you were amazing last night at not freaking out to your h when you got that email.
I wish I had the money to do something amazing! Anyway am just looking at hotels in Stansted I do think I can get away with this trip as it will just look like a work trip to my H. Expensive therapy, but it will be fun!
Actually I'll send you my private email on FB. Just don't tell anyone where I work please...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Oh, and email has been sent! I bet he doesn't know what to do with my response! He was probably expecting:
1) nothing at all thinking I was upset, b) me to ask what he meant by needing time, c) me to start talking about the relationship, d) me to ask when he wanted me to come again, e) me to ask if I could call him, f)a long heartfelt email about how we can make things work out and I am willing to wait
Instead I said nothing about the R, didn't even mention the time, and said I needed the time apart too. I SO hope that there is a little part of him that now thinks maybe I am not as interested, and that maybe he needs to get his act together a little bit. I also invited him to the joint session in calendar, and he accepted. Next week will be very interesting to say the least...
I sent you a message on FB with my email address too :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
The email from your husband does not strike me remotely as bad.
He admits guilt. Do you know how many of us have stood by and watched the people we married destroy everything rather than admit guilt? That's huge!
He acknowledges he has a part in all of this. That's huge too!
I agree with the above advice regarding that email. Those first two paragraphs were originally worded more for you than for him. Sadly, you're the adult for now. So, you have to consider everything for him.
