twinhope, Thanks for reply. How old is D? Typical, H would rationalize D acting out as needing to spend more time with them. DUH!!! Anyway, I have 3 (S14 S11 D11). D11 has probably been most challenging. Fierce mood swings. One min OK, then if one little thing sets her off, very angry and smart-mouthed. She is extra challenging because she is hearing impaired and has some language barriers. Hard for her to get concept of everything going on. Anger is toward me because Im the one shes around most. Wants mommy and daddy back together, but also seems to be drawn to OW. Brings OW up in casual conversation all the time and I dont think she realizes what she is telling me hurts really bad. OW is obviously befriending her, but at same time our family has known her for last 5 years (S11 and her son play baseball). OK, so H stopped by after work to visit kids. Helped D11 with homework -she got frustrated , cried, and lashed out toward him. I was actually glad for him to see it. S11 tells H "she does this all the time". He got impatient with her - I told him to leave her alone until she cools down, its the only way. H didnt do anything except nod. Think he was taken back by her behavior. H then scolded S14 for lashing out physically at sister because she teased him about a girl. S14 almost ripped her shirt. I calmly interjected, explaining to S14 its OK to express anger at times UNLESS your anger is hurting someone else physically or emotionally . H thinks S14 acts like "jerk". Who's the jerk?, I think to myself. S11 does not express emotion about situation unless I am upset. Worries me he may be holding too much in. H says my grandmother needs to stop saying stuff to D11, because "this is hard enough on them". I said you have no idea how hard it is for them because you dont see it like I do. H didnt say anything to that. H wants us to get together this weekend without kids around so we can discuss "our plans". H wants kids 50/50. Thought he could take them even during the week while school in sesion, get them up extra early and drop each of them off at school, over half hour away from his place, before he goes to work. I disagreed, saying kids need routine and stability in one home setting during school week. makes no sense to be with him when their own home is only 5 minutes from school. Otherwise, no we have no official visitation plan worked out other than every other weekend I work he takes them, or lately, stays at our house with them, because his excuse is S14 is jerk to OW when they are at his house. During the week,sometimes comes to visit and maybe take them somewhere likd ice cream or something. I chose two different mediators whom I got referrals for and left ball in his court to schedule appointment, but he has not done so yet. He got copies of parenting plan for our state/county and I think he wants to do it "kitchen table" style for right now. I am feeling very angry at him for what the kids are going through right now and plan to give him ultimatum for family counseling. I will set time and place and leave ball in his court to be there. That is the least he can do for the kids sake. The kids need to feel safe expressing their feelings toward their father, and it is not fair for me to be the mediator between them. What do you think? Anti-DB?
