Robert, it seems you are very new to this so I want to put my 0.02 worth in. First, you HAVE to GAL. This is a must. You will not heal or move past the betrayal of your W until you do this. I sat around for 2 months after I found out about my STBXH A and did nothing but think about what he did to me and our family. You keep wondering if your W having an A. I can tell you that the signs point to an EA at least, but that doesnt matter right now. She is lost and her self confidence is low. She is using external stimulas to pump herself up to feel good. You have heard it many times before...the OM is just a drug. Really, he is. Dont focus on that, focus on you and your children.
Ths first things you need to do is GAL. Then, you need to go out and do things that make you happy and smile. People are drawn to happy people. I'm not telling you to do this in order to "win" your W back, but so you can find peace in your heart, but this also helps to bring the WAW back. Dress nice, buy some new, younger looking clothes. THis will help your confidence as well. Again, for you, not for her , but she will notice it. Stop asking about her day, how she is doing what she is up to. This is so that you can learn to live your life on your own, but sometimes it has the effect of making the WAS start to miss us...dont do it for that reason though, do it for you.
You are still in the same trap many of us get into (myself included on many occasions) which is constantly watching to see if your spouce might come back. This is going to hurt, so brace yourself. I did not want to believe it when others said it to me, but it is true....as long as there is OP in the picture, ther is NO chance at R. She is not capable of fixing a relationship while building a new one. Do not let this discourage you. Look at it as this time has been given to you alone to grow and fix yourself. There is always room for growth in each and everyone of us. When her R with OM ends (and trust me it will end) then you will be at a healthy place to see if you even want to try and work on things with her. You may have grown so much that you can see that it just no longer is worth it. Please, for yourself, take this time to build YOU. Do things that bring a smile to YOUR face, and not because you think she would like it also. Be selfish in what you need to heal, and try to put her as far from your heart as possible. This will allow you the distance to see things as they really are and to eventually forgive her for the EA.
I'm so sorry you are joining us here, but stay strong. You are doing well. It just takes time AND work on our parts to make it through this.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
