Is it just sex....or more?????

[NikB]

I think in his heart of hearts he realizes moving out was a mistake so he's pushing fights between us so he can feel validated in his decision.

Ding ding ding... we have a winner. Classic behavior. I think sgctox just posted something in most of the forums (hopefully here too) about how to avoid being "baited" that talks about just this topic.

I think it may be time to stop focusing on Dbing and just move on...I've said that several times before...this is the first time I have no tears in my eyes when I say it.

What is it that you think DB'ing is about?

Because really... 90% of it.. is about saving YOU. If you save the M it's the icing on the cake. So when you say "stop DB'ing" it implies stop living your life, stop doing what works, stop validating people's feelings... "DB'ing" works in so many aspects of your life.

That's different than letting go of your M and your WAS, though. Letting go means giving them what they want. Which finally takes the pressure off. Which sometimes makes them turn around and go.. "Wait is this REALLY what I want?" When they can feel that you're no longer hanging there waiting and hoping.

I want to have a happy life and I don't think I want to waste anymore time working on something that seems very hopeless. Is this what detaching feels like?

YES!!

You can't work on your M right now because it takes two. But you can sure as heck work on you and making a happy life for you.

Like I said, if the M reconciles later cool... but detaching is focusing on your own happiness.

I'm GAL...going to a work function on Saturday...a concert at the end of the month. I'm looking forward to both and think I'll have fun.

Wonderful!!!

Was it you I posted all those Sac area meetups to? (sorry.. I posted about meetup to a bunch of people the same day and I forget who I sent what). If so - have you considered checking one out? I HIGHLY recommend the "Girlfriends a la Sex & the City" one. Strong empowered women and no guys will show up and potentially make you uncomfortable.

I'm glad you're looking forward to these things. I KNOW you'll have fun with the right attitude.

((CW))

Sorry that you're having a tough week.