Ok so H just called...when I answered he said...oops out of habit I just called to tell D goodnight, but I forgot she is spending the night somewhere else tonight so I'll tell you goodnight. I said "I'll take it!"
He kind of laughed...so I said "sweet dreams and have a good day tomorrow". He said "you too...I'll talk to you tomorrow".
It's pathetic but these small things make me breath easier.
Funny...we spoke about lenght about D spending the night somewhere else and he forgot already? Hmmmm...I choose to think his subconscious wanted to hear my voice
Good job on the call... hopefully it wasn't you initiating the R talk.
Yea, it's tough for sure realizing all of what you took for granted. I can tell you for sure, no matter what happens, you never will again. I am grateful for sooo many things now. Both R and non-R, but I sure don't take stuff for granted like I used to.
Sounds like a good conversation with the goodnight call, too!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hi, I just read what you posted on Dans page about your similarities with his W. you sound like my W too. I think she is doing the exact same things as far as having her life free to let men she really does not care about fill up a void in her life. and that it was something that you had to get out of your system.
I have been taking the casual friends approach with her and it has yielded pretty good results although she is kind of poor at being friends and really only comes around when she wants something. I was just wandering how your H treated the situation and what worked or did not work for you. you talked about him learning of your D life and making you straighten up. Why did you go from wanting a free life to realizing you did not want to loose him for ever.
I have been reading through your post and think that you have a lot of good progress lately so keep it up, and just to throw in my two cents, its never really just sex with men. I have know my share of friends who sleep with a different woman every weekend and the biggest thing i notice is they are not happy to be missing out on the intimate part, witch is the only real thing that makes sex great. I would say hi probable jets out of there because he is not yet sure how to deal with the feelings that being intimate brings up. yes he is avoiding them right now but i am willing to bet he is feeling them and that is a good thing.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Feeling very down right now....H came and took most of the stuff he had left in the house. It all feels so final to me...my heart hurts so badly. I feel like I've taken 20 steps backwards in terms of my outlook on things....I feel so abandoned
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Oh yeah...JWS...I posted on your thread...had some questions for you when you get a moment post the answers on your thread.
The deal with my double life and realizing I didn't want it anymore is that I always knew I didn't want it forever...my self esteem was so poor having men I had no interest in pay attention to me filled a big void. I also reasoned to myself that it was "safe" because I knew I would always really only love my H and because these men held no interest for me long term I didn't think about how my actions hurt my H. Sooo..what got me to do an about face and completely leave me double life behind was H finding out about everything and deciding that he was going to move on without me....that put me in line big time. You asked about he handled the situation when we were separated and I would say he was very patient....to be honest, however, I don't think he would have been that patient if he hadn't felt so much guilt over his own EA.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Had a HUGE fight with H on Sunday regarding D. We have a difference of opinion about how we should handle things with her and I pretty much haven't spoken to him since Sunday. This is the longest we've gone without talking since he moved out. I feel he is very selfish and I'm oddly numb about the entire sitch. I'm tired of him turning everything around on me...I think in his heart of hearts he realizes moving out was a mistake so he's pushing fights between us so he can feel validated in his decision. I dunno...maybe even that is wishful thinking....maybe he truly just wants to be rid of me. Time will tell I suppose.
I think it may be time to stop focusing on Dbing and just move on...I've said that several times before...this is the first time I have no tears in my eyes when I say it.
I want to have a happy life and I don't think I want to waste anymore time working on something that seems very hopeless. Is this what detaching feels like?
I'm GAL...going to a work function on Saturday...a concert at the end of the month. I'm looking forward to both and think I'll have fun.
Sorry your having a hard week, but the funny thing is moving on is DBing, focus on yourself and let him do the same, and let time tell. no need to fix anything now!!
Hang in there
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
I think in his heart of hearts he realizes moving out was a mistake so he's pushing fights between us so he can feel validated in his decision.
Ding ding ding... we have a winner. Classic behavior. I think sgctox just posted something in most of the forums (hopefully here too) about how to avoid being "baited" that talks about just this topic.
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I think it may be time to stop focusing on Dbing and just move on...I've said that several times before...this is the first time I have no tears in my eyes when I say it.
What is it that you think DB'ing is about?
Because really... 90% of it.. is about saving YOU. If you save the M it's the icing on the cake. So when you say "stop DB'ing" it implies stop living your life, stop doing what works, stop validating people's feelings... "DB'ing" works in so many aspects of your life.
That's different than letting go of your M and your WAS, though. Letting go means giving them what they want. Which finally takes the pressure off. Which sometimes makes them turn around and go.. "Wait is this REALLY what I want?" When they can feel that you're no longer hanging there waiting and hoping.
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I want to have a happy life and I don't think I want to waste anymore time working on something that seems very hopeless. Is this what detaching feels like?
YES!!
You can't work on your M right now because it takes two. But you can sure as heck work on you and making a happy life for you.
Like I said, if the M reconciles later cool... but detaching is focusing on your own happiness.
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I'm GAL...going to a work function on Saturday...a concert at the end of the month. I'm looking forward to both and think I'll have fun.
Wonderful!!!
Was it you I posted all those Sac area meetups to? (sorry.. I posted about meetup to a bunch of people the same day and I forget who I sent what). If so - have you considered checking one out? I HIGHLY recommend the "Girlfriends a la Sex & the City" one. Strong empowered women and no guys will show up and potentially make you uncomfortable.
I'm glad you're looking forward to these things. I KNOW you'll have fun with the right attitude.
((CW))
Sorry that you're having a tough week.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
