I really messed up tonight... called my husband asked him why he is throwing us away like trash... how he could leave us for a woman who cheated on her husband... is dating a married man.. and is breaking up a home...how we are suffereing not only financially but mentally....I told him I was so tired of all this....but I told him I would never stop praying for him and our family.
I was so weak today said alot of other things... kind of just let in to him ... said things I have been holdong in not wanting to upset him... and of course he is always the one that yells all the time but of course in his eyes it is I who do all the yelling...
I asked him why he always thought and made me feel like I was such a terrible person....Man I really blew it...the enemy had his way with me tonight and it started this morning right of the bat....sitting in in traffic going to work for over an hour... late for work.. will probably be written up for it.. could be my last write up...
I have been fasting and praying my breakfast lately and Charlene said in one of her devotionals that I was probably going to be attack by the enemy ....and hard.... and she was so right...
When we talk on the phone it has been really nice just talk about our daughter,our dogs, and the family in general... but then this happens... I feel like when a person falls of the wagon when they are an alcoholic....like it has all been for nothing...
I guess I will just have to pull my self up by the boot straps as they say... and just keep praying. So many things were said to night I wish I could of been stronger and not of called... and I really have been stronger... depending on God more and more each day.. but like I said my day started out on the wrong foot...
I really let into him tonight...just so tired of treating him with kid gloves.. like I am the one who did wrong.... I hope I haven't undone what God has done so far. I know he doesn't need my help...but I just couldn't help myself...
