"When I let go, H starts showing care-interest- even Love."

Ok....

"When he does that, I start feeling like there is hope again. When I show that I've got hope again, H proceeds stomping on it."

Keep going...

"And I let go"

Gotcha.. It a cycle.

Or.. Stuck.

"When I show that I've got hope again"

Stop doing that... fake it a time or two.. see what happens.

Relax
Eat
Think
Act normal
React.. Smartly.
Do something different.
Emulate.
Do Work.

Lets get "RETARDED" in here.