Not too much news to report. We are texting now about our plans for the weekend. Beach trip is on! I don't know if we will stay overnight but when we go to the beach we usually leave in the morning and come home late at night anyways so even if we do not spend the night together we will still be together all day! Yay!
Last night (after I agreed to no more R talks. . .lol. I know) I was thinking about our sitch and trying to get to the bottom of this whole mess and I had an epiphany and could not sleep until I asked hubby a question. It was driving me insane! Anyways I broke down and texted him and I will post the convo here:
Me: I know I am supposed to be asleep (I said this because we had already said goodnight) but I have a question H: K Me: Do you think that I am the catalyst for every argument we have/had. I want brutal honesty here. H: You are the common denominator Me: Meaning yes? H: Pretty much. . .not saying I am not guilty Me: I think that my expectations cause/caused our fights and that your reaction fuel/fueled them. Or escalated as I always used to say. What do you think? H: Bout right Me: Is that what you meant when you said you were guilty too H: Yes Me: Huh. But that's fixable! We have finally found the root! H: Maybe Me: And fyi. . .I have been thinking a lot about what you say alot about how we can only get along when we see each other once a week but I don't think the reason is that we only see each other once a week it's that the more time we spend together the higher our chance of conflict gets. Just a numbers game. So if we learn to deal with conflict properly we would be able to spend more time together in peace or "low maintenece" mode like you and I both want. H: Ok
There wasn't much more to it after that. We basically just said goodnight again.
It may not sound like much but something just finally clicked in my brain and it all made sense. When my expectations get dashed I get bitchy, even if it is not full throttle bitchy mode I can still have a slant of negativity that makes me more edgy and therefore it becomes easier to have an argument. My husband never really initiates arguments and generally is even keel and never brings up problems. It's always me. However he reacts badly when I am in a "mood" and he lets his frustration with me show and then it goes downhill from there. Quickly.
I hope this doesn't sound like a rerun to you guys because I literally feel like I just figured this out. So now my challenge is to not have expectations. . .about anything! And his job is to learn to let things roll a little easier, which he already does to a certain extent but he needs to learns to say "yes dear" and "it's going to be ok" instead of judging or snapping at me.
Well it's food for thought. We'll have to talk about it on Tuesday with our counselor. This weekend I am just gonna be chill. No R talks and if he brings anything up I just validate and move on.
