I miss things about us being together. But i need to continue to be alone, I really need it. I know this is hard for you and I am sorry for that. I feel guilty about it all the time.
I don't read this to say it is over. I think it is a call for patience.
ITH...you sound scared and nervous. Calm down, relax. Remember believe none of what they say and half of what they do. I think there was still a lot of positives in teh email as I said before.
Personally, I don't know what others think but I wouldn't chat on IM. If you don't want to log off just respond to what he says. Don't get into r stuff!
I am scared and nervous, terrified. Jody had been suggesting I just show up and move back in, and now he is clearly saying he still needs to be alone, and is acting like this needs to be his new state of being. Remember only 2 weeks ago he said he didn't know if he would want to be married anymore! And the "I miss things about us being together", this to me sounds as though we are just not together anymore, which we still are, we are still married and committed even if not living together for the moment!
Is there anything in this email that even remotely suggests he sees a future? I mean he is asking me not to do something for him that he had always wanted me to do. I am so heartbroken right now. I really don't know what to do. And that he will give m a new painting when I come again. I am due back in 5 weeks only he has no idea apparently!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
The IM is only about random things and he started it. He was telling me about his class etc. He started chatting within 5 minutes of sending that horrific email...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
So a proposed email--really wish he would have sent this before I talked to Jody,
Hi,
Thanks for letting me know how you are doing. You seem to have so much more energy and enthusiasm now than even a few weeks ago. Whatever you are doing is definitely working! I'm so happy.
Don't feel guilty. I've taken a page from your book and decided to take this time apart to work on myself too. I saw that there were a lot of things I needed to change, things that would be damaging both to the relationship and to myself.
I'm definitely converting for me. You led me to Judaism which is great, but the final decision was for myself.
3 countries each, so now you won't have one up on me anymore ;). Looking forward to that painting! I have 2 up in my room already.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Also, what was his line about "I know I am angry, but it is at both of us, not you. I know it will get resolved and it is fine."
I don't understand this at all...
Sorry for the multiple posts, but I feel like my world is crumbling. If I go back to Dublin and he doesn't want to be with me, I have to rethink everything.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I don't think the email meant that he was done at all. I think he felt he needed to get somethings off his chest
Quote:
"I know I am angry, but it is at both of us, not you. I know it will get resolved and it is fine."
I think this is normal WAS talk. They do feel guilty and angry for leaving or for not making the R work. My xh was the same for a couple of months. He is also expressing that he is positive that thes feelings of anger will go away and he's reassuring you that it's ok.
Take it easy and breathe. I wouldn't respongd to his email yet and continue to act as if. It's ok to IM with him but don't mention the letter.,
It's ok really.
Last edited by JenInVen; 09/11/0810:44 PM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Actuallly I think that it is a good thing that he admits that it was "both" and not just you. Most WAS will blame just you. My H told me that I was crazy. I agree hold off on the email for a day or two and completly think it through.
Everyone else has already said it but I'll say it again. . .you are reading too much into this email. It's just an email. Calm down. He is not saying it is over, if it was over he wouldn't even be taking the time to write you an email. What it means is that you are not "there" yet but you already knew that so don't panic.
It's going to be ok. Give him some time and space. I agree with JCJ that maybe turning off the comp would be best for the night. No more IMing because it seems to just stress you out and you don't want to say something you might regret later.
Sleep on it. . .it will look and feel better in the morning.
Although now that I think about it. . .it might already be morning there.
