But she was 'with' OM AND still in the marriage for a long time. I would think they go hand in hand.
So me being dark and very little contact, doing what I'm doing? If(boy am I dreaming now)she makes some kind of move back to the marriage, I continue the darkness? I'm not saying pursue, but I suppose a different shade of darkness. Right now I'm at the point where I do not say hello or goodbye.
But still cordial
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I'm sorry if I seem judgemental. I'm the last person who should judge. I got frustrated with you. I felt like you weren't hearing anyone. Reread what Karen wrote. If I had more tact, maybe it would have sounded more like what she said. I know where you are at because I have been there. I even said all the things that you are saying about it being "group things", just flirting and having fun, not letting it get anywhere...I'm telling you that is where it all starts.
I'm always listening. I didnt' leave ya. Just had to take a step back for awhile and just keep with my own thread for a bit. I'm always checking on you, though.
Tom is right that you should focus on you....without dating.
The moral topic got brought up because of the religious writings I posted which Tom called "crap". What was basically said in that writing was what I wanted to get across to you...the hows and whys of seeking happiness. Seeking attention from other ladies will maybe cause you happiness, there will always be things out there that may give you that happiness you seek...but if you are always seeking happiness without consideration of what is morally right, sins will undoubtedly look very inviting to you. It is a sin to look for happiness from other women outside of your marriage. Group outings, etc...yeah yeah....you know you are flirting and they are with you...so the whole "group outings" thing isn't true anymore.
You see?
Anyway....think about how you can make her FEEL her choice of having those kiddos part time. That is where you may see more results with your marriage. Meanwhile, be a good man and find what is inside of you and work on yourself.
You say you are being dark....are you, really? You invited her to dinner recently...you let her take one of the kids home.....you let her take a dog home once....you fixed her car or soemthing..didn't you?.....
What was basically said in that writing was what I wanted to get across to you...the hows and whys of seeking happiness. Seeking attention from other ladies will maybe cause you happiness, there will always be things out there that may give you that happiness you seek...but if you are always seeking happiness without consideration of what is morally right, sins will undoubtedly look very inviting to you. It is a sin to look for happiness from other women outside of your marriage. Group outings, etc...yeah yeah....you know you are flirting and they are with you...so the whole "group outings" thing isn't true anymore.
Poor H4H--you are getting jumped on today, but yeah I think we sense you're not listening or rationalizing or whatever! I think another problem with seeking happiness from other women is that it's wrong to look for happiness outside yourself anyway--in other people or material objects or whatever. I used to do that pre-bomb when I wasn't happy instead of focusing on making myself happy I would focus on getting a new house or my H getting a new job, and one thing I have really learned from this experience is that's the wrong way to go about life.
I think you should work on just being happy yourself, plus I also feel that this time before D is good for me to work on healing and getting better and stronger and getting over H so that I will be ready for a new R hopefully when my marriage is over. Sometimes when I hear that song "Damaged" I think that sounds like me. I want to try to work on myself and let time heal my wounds and all that....Karen
Yes, I fully admit that I am seeking happiness outside of myself. That is painfully obvious even to me. I know.
In my life here, why do I have to be so bombarded? It keeps coming at me nonstop. Either it happens to others a lot but they don't post it or I'm a unique case.
I buried myself into this hole for so long...trying, trying, enmeshed, appeasing. Doing what I thought were the right things, but in the long run, completely drained me.
I feel just as broken as the wife.
Karen, I don't feel jumped on. I'm a big boy. I can take most anything.
Except being rejected.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
What we are saying is we all do that...try to seek happiness with others or things....but, we have learned that's wrong. We are trying to help you. If I could go back, knowing what I know now, there are so many choices along the way that I would change. One, being hanging out with guy "friends" who made me feel attractive and wanted,something I was not feeling at home.
We bombard you because we KNOW, we've been there, we WANT to help you, we care about you....If I didn't give a hoot, you wouldn't get me so darn frustrated!!!
I know that broken feeling. And, that is why I KNOW that going out with the girls that want a relationship with you, single girls....is not a good idea. Going out with other GUY friends, doing stuff that YOU want to do.....that's a good thing.
WE don't reject you. Your wife is because she is so confused right now and making bad choices.
Have you ever went to counseling to just have a neutral sounding board? It has done wonders for me. I think we may only have one more session. We will see, but she said last night that we could have said we were done. I just one more under my belt.
I hope you find yourself and what makes you happy. I know you are feeling like you aren't doing anything right with the way you are getting blasted. There are good things going on, I just think the devil is sitting on your shoulder tempting you with the alphabet girls.
Stay focused and keep your eyes on your goals.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Have you ever went to counseling to just have a neutral sounding board? It has done wonders for me. I think we may only have one more session. We will see, but she said last night that we could have said we were done. I just one more under my belt.
kat
Oh, Kat, I am so happy for you!!! I can't believe you are graduating therapy--I'm still going every 2 weeks! That is huge!!! Yeah, I can't imagine life without C--sometimes I count the days or hours until my next session (if it's been a rough week)!!! Karen
But she was 'with' OM AND still in the marriage for a long time. I would think they go hand in hand.
So me being dark and very little contact, doing what I'm doing? If(boy am I dreaming now)she makes some kind of move back to the marriage, I continue the darkness? I'm not saying pursue, but I suppose a different shade of darkness. Right now I'm at the point where I do not say hello or goodbye.
But still cordial
H4H,
I'm sorry, maybe it's just me, but I'm not understanding any of what you're saying here. I will say, however, that not saying a basic courtesy like "hello" or "goodbye" is NOT being cordial.
If I could go back, knowing what I know now, there are so many choices along the way that I would change. One, being hanging out with guy "friends" who made me feel attractive and wanted,something I was not feeling at home.