OW visiting in October

[HOPEFULinCALI]

Phoenix,

Thank you so much.

It sounds like you learned most by spying? Is that correct? Are you saying you haven't even told him you know yet? If he knows you know, and is doing this stuff in front of your face, then he doesn't care you know. That's worse. If he just thinks he's being sneaky, then it's different. You responding with a firm barrier (ie you will not be with him while he's cheating)may be enough to shake him up into pursuing you instead.

I did spy. I don't believe I have said the words "I know you are having an affair" or something to the effect. I think the closest I came was saying a year ago that his relationship was "inappropriate". I'm embarrased if he is too stupid to realize when I have directly quoted him or made mention of the things he has talked about with these girls. His cell phone is attached to his hand, he deletes everything on his phone and computer, turns the phone on silent (Way to go Einstein, what am I blind. I can see you texting 3ft. away from me.) goes outside to talk and all the classic signs of a cheater. He keeps changing his passwords so it would seem he is, at the very least, suspicious.

There are different approaches. You could do the DB ignore the affair stuff (and let your self-esteem continue to circle the drain) or you could set some boundaries, which basically is you won't tolerate cheating.

Mmmm. Guessing I'm in a chaseless tunnel. Should I just confront him and say I am done or shall I say end the affair or I am going to let the cat out of the bag (not just the affair but ALL of his lies including that we are not divorced and just about everything else that he has said, typed and done the last year about myself, him, and our marriage both past and present)to EVERYONE; friends and family.