Hey Lisa! Wow, what a turnaround? I dont get why Austin said it wasnt going anwhere with CEO by the way?? What I was MOST impressed with (and I am amazed at your strength of character/resolve).. is that you turned down a whole evening with H... to go meet CEO in a pub, just you and him ! Thats too funny. I am very inspired by your sense of self worth, I dont know how you've done it, but you seem to have come through this with your self-esteem intact.
I can sooo empathise and imagine, when you said your H gave you a 'weak' hug and then the old friends gave you a warm proper hug. God I could feel that for you. I think Jen hit it right, he sees you expanding and blossoming, meanwhile, he has a rubbishy old trollop at home whose probably nagging him by now for more commitment (and we know she put the kibosh on him going to that concert and then over night golf thing??). You did the perfect thing by leaving.. you left him wanting and wondering.
I wonder how he will email you tommorow after that? Probably just some low-level work moaning, did you see the football last night, I'm doing my ironing later, heres a funny you tube link type affair. I, like Jeff, wonder at his ability to hold himself in suspended animation for so long, through choice.
I really thikn this could be one of those examples where you wake up and dont love him anymore and stop telling him 'whats your top 5 bus routes?' and then he realises what he lost.
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
You seem so strong! It sounds really like you have your pick of the bunch. Your H does seem rather lost without you. Not that I'm suggesting it, but I have this hunch that if he found out about you and CEO (not that anything has happened there), he would man up a bit. Of course he probably feels very guilty at this point, and like he doesn't deserve you. And of course he doesn't, but still...do you think he knows that the door actually is open? My guess is that he sees how strong you are, thinks that he would be so lucky to have you back in his life properly, but doesn't feel that he can give you what you need, or that you can forgive him.
Do you think this could be the case?
Anyway, I'm really impressed by you. I wish I could be half as strong and positive as you,
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Jen- I liked your post! Thankyou for your thoughts. I hope it's all true!!
Julia- your speaking voice is beautiful. By default, your singing voice MUST be! I'm not sure how I feel about the two situations. I think it's fair to say that the CEO thing is helping me detach from H even more. Having said that, when I see H, I'm reminded how wonderful things were with us, and how much I love him. If he was to take steps to a reconciliation now, I'd still do it...... On the other hand, CEO this week has had a profound effect on me. I find myself sitting with him sometimes feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush on the school stud. I find my stomach flip-flopping all over the place. H did that to me in the beginning, but not to the same extent as far as I can remember. It's not good.
Ali- thankyou for being so positive about me! I'm not sure my self-esteem is totally intact, but I guess it helped me that the main reasons H gave for leaving was my hairstyle and pea-cooking. Realistically, they're not good reasons to leave; he has issues!
ITH- H does definitely know that I'd be open to reconciliation. I've told him that before, and he knows I love him. On the other hand, I don't think I've ever 'forgiven' him officially. I presume he knows it from the brief R talks we've had since the S, but maybe he isn't clear on it. Hard to bring up without initiating an R talk though! Thank you for being impressed by me. I have to say that when I was at the beginning I was a total wreck- you're doing brilliantly- hang in there, there are lots of positives in your sitch.
((((Handsome)))) It's never too late, and July is definitely not too late at all!!
Today's update.
H e-mailed me in the morning asking if I fancied lunch. He wrote a couple of other sentences about how his day was going. I said I could spare an hour as I had another meeting to go to, so we met for lunch. It was nice- the food was good and H chose the restaurant. We talked about the usual subjects, and H gave me advice on the bathroom light in the flat. When we met H went to kiss me and give me a little hug. I hugged back, but didn't hold it long. Same when we said goodbye. He looked back at me as he was leaving. It was a typical interaction, but short and I was myself without worrying about the effect of what I was saying (which was fine because the topics were normal, as in a conversation between old friends). Overall I'd say I was much more detached than ever before.
I then had a few meetings out of office in the afternoon and when I got back to work H had mailed me a short message saying he'd enjoyed lunch and hoped my meeting had gone well this afternoon. it hadn't so I wrote back saying it hadn't and asking if I could talk to him about it sometime and get his advice. He replied saying yes, that he would help me if he could and that I should try not to worry about it too much. That was nice of him; he didn't have to do that.
CEO was in a good mood today. He was bantering with rich office assistant this morning, which was quite funny. A couple of times as he was walking around he'd catch my eye and smile. Twice he came and stood opposite me and did a crotch display thing (thumbs in belt, hands framing the key area). The second time we ended up gazing at each other for a while without speaking for a bit (it can't have been more than a few seconds, but felt like ages). he looked away for a split second and then looked back.
Later in the morning, he said he needed my help with something and we chose a filing cabinet for his home office. He then teased me about a mutual acquaintance who asked me out, and said he thought I could do a lot better. In the afternoon, he was telling MLC man about our evening out on Wednesday (he said I was jumping around with excitement, and I replied that I nearly spilt my water). In response we got called 'the sober couple'. Later we went for a quick drink at the pub (CEO joined Austin and I). He teased me for ordering a soft drink (a reference to the sober couple thing, I guess) and told us about the kind of woman he goes for (intelligent, slightly aloof, as though she's got a life of her own). Austin said he was mainly talking to me, but I said I found him ambiguous and confusing, so she agreed.
This evening I met a friend for a couple of drinks, which was fun. Having a quiet weekend this weekend. Watching TV and doing some exercise tomorrow (to recover from my crazy busy week!), and on Sunday visiting BFF for the afternoon.
Lisa!! Your posts are always so juicy! I think you are doing great and if CEO can catch you he is a very lucky man indeed. Same goes for Jeff and for H! xx
Yes! Post pics of them both on FB! We will give marks out of 10, only kidding! Um you said this....
Quote:
I find myself sitting with him sometimes feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush on the school stud. I find my stomach flip-flopping all over the place. H did that to me in the beginning, but not to the same extent as far as I can remember. It's not good.
um...and you're still DBing your H because ..???
Al X !
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
